I passed through the vision gate and found myself standing on a crushed granite path with a sliver of a waning moon shining overhead. The howling of wolves came from all around the path, lending an air of desperation and despair to the world. “Aarrroooooo,” came mournful cry after mournful cry. I searched the shadows on either side of the path with my vision but could see nothing moving beyond the minuscule patch of moonlight in which I stood.
“It sounds like a member of their pack is lost,” I said to the Wisdom in my heart as I began to make my way down the granite path. “I wonder where they may be.”
“And I wonder where I am,” I continued. “Is there anybody out there who can show me where I must go next?”
“We know someone,” Wisdom whispered. “She walks with you always.” In response to our summons, my own shadow rose from the path ahead. She waved enthusiastically at me, a vaguely female shape wrapped in darkness and shade. When she pantomimed a forward gesture by pointing down the path with both hands, I followed her directions unquestioningly.
“Nice to meet you, Shadow,” I said. “I’d introduce myself but I think you know me well already.”
Walking with my Shadow
In comfortable silence, Shadow led me to a brick mansion with many dark windows that stood at the end of the long path beneath the moonlight. We passed through tall double doors into the stately building where an ornate fountain with opaque water sat within the foyer. The statuary in the fountain depicted two leaping fish with water spraying out of their mouths in a crisscrossing pattern. Shadow leapt into the dark water of the fountain and started to splash and play, throwing some of the fountain’s water my way.
“You so rarely let your shadow out,” Wisdom whispered. “Look at how harmless she is.”
“I didn’t know I was keeping my shadow in,” I said. “I wonder how she feels about letting me wander around the Inner Realms and if this is her usual manner of moving through the world. She seems so childlike to me. I’ve never climbed into a fountain like that in my life.”
“Never?” Wisdom said. “What a sad thought. Want to join her now?”
“I can’t,” I said. “Grown ups aren’t allowed the absolute freedom of the shadows. I’ll just experience the fountain through her eyes, I don’t think there’s any harm in that.”
“Suit yourself,” Wisdom said. “We’re going in!” The curious energy that composed Wisdom’s form came out of my heart and began to dip in and out of the fountain’s waters, swooping around Shadow like an enormous fairy. She clapped her hands in joy and danced with Wisdom as if she didn’t have a care in all the worlds.
New Shadows Approach
As I observed Shadow and Wisdom splashing in the water, a strange feeling came over me. I felt like the shadows of the mansion that contained the fountain had eyes and they weren’t focused on my bathing Shadow and dancing Wisdom, they were fixated on me. I started to feel a profound sense of embarrassment as if I was revealing a part of myself that should remain bound within my spirit.
Intrusive thoughts began to wash over me in waves of knowledge and realization as I stood at the fountain’s edge. This type of freedom was, if not inappropriate, then potentially dangerous. I could not protect Shadow or myself against the watchful eyes of the mansion. With that thought and my mother’s instincts triggered by an outside threat, I quickly moved from embarrassment to fear.
“Come on, Shadow, get out of there,” I said as a mother would to a young child. “We have to explore further on and further in this fascinating realm. Come on, Wisdom, let’s go!” Shadow completely ignored me but Wisdom returned like a shot to my heart and I felt their energy buoying my courage against the nameless fears gathering in the shadows.
“I’m serious now,” I tried again. “You belong with me as you are my own shadow and I won’t just leave you wandering around some stranger’s home and splashing about in their foyer. Let’s go.” Shadow turned her back on me and continued whatever it was she was up to in the fountain.
As I stomped my foot in frustration at my inability to steer my own shadow, Wisdom came out of my heart once more, resuming their form as a fairy or will o’wisp, glowing with a brilliant inner light. They shone more brightly than before, almost like a star in that dark place and at first I had to shield my eyes to even glance at them.
“Turn down your lights, Wisdom,” I said. “If those in the mansion didn’t know we were here, they certainly do now.”
Unanticipated Fear
“What are you afraid of, Heidi?” Wisdom whispered. “She’ll be perfectly safe there until you need her again.”
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