Gate: A Reason for Living
I panicked as I drowned over and over again in Addiction’s cup. “Help me!” I cried out as my eyes opened again beneath the red waves of an ocean of blood. “Please, anyone, Badger, Dream, Love, I call you,” I said, my breath leaving me again as I inhaled the foul liquid. “Light Congress, I’m here! I can’t swim in these waters nor breathe it either.” My temples began to pound with the beat of my racing heart as I felt Death moving my way once more.
“Please help me,” I whispered weakly. “You promised, Companion, you promised to walk with me always. Where are you now?”
The voice from the spider’s cavern came to me out of the waves as I choked on blood. “Indeed,” the voice whispered. “Where are you, Companion? Come out, come out, wherever you are.”
The panic in my heart doubled at the tone of the taunting voice and I flailed about myself in an effort to discover the speaker. Then, suddenly, I felt the air returning to my lungs and a certainty and peace begin to enter my spirit from somewhere else. “Hide,” said Companion’s quiet whisper from my own spirit’s center. “We can’t let him find you or the game is up. Run and hide, Heidi.”
“There is nowhere to hide in Addiction’s cup,” I said to myself. “Without your continued support, it is going to smother me again. This is far worse than repeatedly birthing new shadows or watching Shadow’s heart break. This is a nightmare without end- a slow and certain suicide.”
“Death is an escape,” said the voice from the spider’s cave. “Just give up, foolish woman. Since you were so clumsy and stupid to be sucked into this place, you deserve it. Far better beings than you have succumbed to the shadow of these waters. What makes you think you’re any different?”
“Let him think you’re defeated,” Companion whispered from my heart. “Make him believe it, Heidi. He’ll go torment someone else if you accept defeat at the hands of this shadow.”
“But you don’t understand, Companion, before you joined me, I died beneath these waves countless times and awoke to find myself in the exact same place,” I said. “Even that far shore is not an escape from this shadow’s voice. There is no escape for me anymore in all the worlds.”
“Pretend, Heidi,” Companion said. “Pretend like your life depends on it. Remember our conversation about who you are living for? Remember our sacred vow to walk the path for love and family? Have I found you too late this time to complete our great task?”
I took a shuddering breath beneath the blood red waves. “It is never too late to make a new start. I forgot my part of the promise to you when I was repeatedly drowning in this forsaken place,” I said. “And I let my own fears bind me here. Thank you for the reminder, my friend, and your strength. Ok, let’s play.”
I cleared my throat and imagined the blood of Addiction’s cup was nothing but the shadowed and refreshing waters of the Sea of Consciousness. Nothing changed in my sight- the blood was still blood- but I didn’t allow it to touch the vision held in my imagination. “What a fine day for a walk beneath the waves,” I said to no one in particular. “I wish someone would offer me a drink.”
Back in the throne room of the Night King, Dionysus’ body disappeared from where he had stood, entranced in front of the mirror with the thorns piercing his flesh. Curiously, his image still stared out of the mirror, unblinking and catatonic. Venus noted this change before turning her eyes back to the seated god and the small dragon wrapped around his neck.
“Dream,” she said to the lizard. “Have you ceased to protect Heidi? Why do you not go to her when she needs you so desperately?”
The Night King lifted a cup from the arm of his throne, the waters within it bubbling and frothing with his potent nocturnal energy. He held the evaporating liquid in front of Dream’s snout and the dragon inhaled deeply. “Yes, Lickspittle,” the Night King asked. “Where is the lady of your heart?”
“You tease me,” Dream replied, wrapping himself more securely around the Night King’s neck. “You are right here with me. Where else would you be?”
Venus examined the cup and held out her hands in entreaty. “That relic belongs to Heidi and you defile it with your machinations. Perhaps if you give it to me now and release the archetypes bound here, all will be forgotten.” Her brow furrowed in anger. “If you do not, all in the myriad worlds, the Light Congress itself, will go to war against you and your kingdom. This is not an idle threat, it is a promise.”
The Night King stroked Dream’s head gently. “Who would you call if I said Heidi was at risk?” he asked the dragon. “Say a demon was here with a sword, threatening our sanity and very existence… who is strong enough to protect me?”
“A great warrior like the archangel Michael or even Mars could chase such a monster back into the shadows,” Dream almost purred, his eyes closing in pleasure, more catlike than lizard.
“Lickspittle,” the god said. “Bring Mars to me. He is required at this critical juncture.” The little dragon yawned and disappeared for a moment, reappearing seconds later and falling asleep around the Night King’s neck. The floor of the throne room shook and split apart in front of the Night King’s throne. Mars, in full warrior aspect and clad head-to-toe in armor, appeared with his sword raised in anger.
The god raised the grail a second time, blowing the mist from the bubbling cup into Mars’ face. “Your enemy stands there,” he said, pointing an accusing finger at the goddess of love. “What happens to the enemies of Mars?”
“They die,” the warrior god growled and, with thunderous steps, he approached Venus.
“Lover, don’t you recognize me,” she said, holding her empty hands out to him. “Awaken Mars, God of War, Killer of Men, Ares – I know all your secret names, there is nothing you have hidden from me.” Mars continued to advance, the enchanted mist from the grail veiling his eyes. “You, who are the father of Eros, the unstoppable force of desire. You, the one god in all existence who I, myself, have truly loved. Don’t do this. Remember your power.” Mars stood before her now, his sword raised as he prepared to strike the goddess down.
Venus fell to her knees. “I beg for mercy from you,” she said. “And I will not fight you. On this day, Mars, I lay down my arms before you as you did once for me, so long ago. I concede this war with the shadow to your unquenchable honor and eternal glory.”
“Then you are a greater fool than most to not even attempt to defend yourself,” the Night King said. “Die now, Love, and know there are powers stronger than you and shadows that no light may banish.”
At that moment, in a room within a mirror, Dionysus took a deep breath and came back to life. His ever-present ivy reappeared and wrapped itself around Addiction’s limbs, binding him securely in place. The creature bared his fangs at the resurrected god in anger.
“What treachery is this?” he hissed.
Dionysus stretched lazily and stood, walking the length of the table to pry the Dice of Dreams from the monster’s claws. “It is the chief difference between you and me,” he said. “I am the god who dies each night and is reborn, ready to face the new day and to live again with as much passion as the day before.” He gestured and the ivy wrapped itself around Addiction’s throat. “You, on the other hand, feed on the blood of the afflicted until you kill them.” Dionysus sighed. “Or they give up the pleasures that brought you to their doorstep in the first place.”
“How I wish you didn’t hurt my celebrants and how I desire to avenge every single soul who has ever suffered under your dominion.” The god punched the monster in the face. “But I fear no punishment would be enough to right the wrongs you have caused,” he said. “Therefore, begone, foul demon, and trouble me no more.”
Addiction’s face turned red, then purple, then he died, strangled by the clinging vines of Dionysus.
The god of wine turned his eyes heavenward. “Goddess Fortuna,” he prayed. “If you ever loved me, even for a moment, hear me now. Get these where they need to go.” He shut his eyes and threw the Dice of Dreams into the air. “Venus, catch!” he screamed.
The goddess of love heard her name and turned as the image of the suffering Dionysus in the mirror came to life and threw a pair of dice towards her. She grabbed the dice as Mars struck, pushing his sword through her stomach and out through her back. Venus coughed once, Love’s blood splattering the dice in her hand, and she tossed them at the feet of the Night King’s throne where they landed on snake eyes.
Dream came out of his trance with a start, looked around the room, and disappeared.
The Night King gave a cry of rage. “You may have taken the dragon of The Light Congress from me,” he snarled, brandishing the Holy Grail. “But you shall not have the cup. Seek me if you survive what comes on the wind.” He sank into the stone of his throne and was gone.
Mars shook his head once, clearing it, and sank to his knees, supporting the bleeding Venus in his arms. “We have won the day,” she said weakly, her heart’s blood staining her shimmering white raiment.
“At what cost?” the god asked, surveying the room. “I have killed you, Venus, and by my own hand. It is my worst nightmare made manifest.”
With a splintering sound, the stone surrounding Eros broke apart and he grasped Psyche in his arms. “You can stop calling me, my dearest love, I have come to you,” he said, but the harp continued her music. “Cease your struggles,” he pleaded. “Desire is here.”
Eros tried stroking the harp strings of Psyche but, rather than creating new music together, the instrument of his heart cut his fingertips. He studied his hands carefully and put the harp on the floor.
“If you can not or do not desire to stop seeking me, then I shall join you,” he said and changed into a vine with flowering roses and thorns. He wrapped himself within and around the strings of Psyche and her tortured music came to an end, held still in an embrace by Eros.
Titania collapsed the moment the music stopped and Oberon crashed into her, his eyes returning to their usual appearance. They fell onto the floor together in a heap. “My Queen,” he said, panting. “What has happened to you?”
The elf queen’s eyes filled with tears. “Oberon, the Night King has pulled down the moon into Love’s cup,” she said. “I found your mother, she is contained within the grail. The god of dreams has weaponized love and the imagination.” She grabbed his hand. “If we do not get the cup and free Levannah, the Sun himself will come to seek her out for he will not be parted from her. This could be the end of all of us.”
“It is already the end,” Odin said mournfully, turning from the window for the first time. “Hear the wolf’s howl? I recognized it at once. It is Fenris, not the wolf pack. Ragnarök has begun.”
Oberon ran to the window. Peering out, he saw a ship sailing through the air, creating a path made of darkness in its wake. Countless creatures made of shadow trailed behind it and an enormous wolf with eyes made of flame ran alongside the ship, howling as the army moved inexorably closer.
“But this is the Night King’s castle,” Oberon said. “Not Valhalla. Ragnarök takes place near that hallowed hall, not this accursed palace.”
“This wasn’t always the Night King’s castle,” Odin said and turned once more to face the impending doom. “Welcome, my friends, to my home and the battle of the age.”
Meanwhile, beneath the red waves of the sea of blood, I continued my game of pretend, talking to the shadows of that place as if they were my friends rather than tormenting demons of an ancient evil. How they laughed at my innocent comments twisted through their perverted lenses of perception and mocked my demonstrations of demented dancing.
“We’ll call her, ‘The Female Joker’,” one voice said as I tripped over my own feet and fell to the ground.
“No, no, how about ‘The Sea Witch’,” said another. “We haven’t had one of those for a while.”
“She’s far worse than that,” came the voice from the spider’s cave. “How about the Queen of Air and Darkness?”
“Wonderful suggestions,” I said, curling into a fetal position on the ocean’s floor. “Why don’t you all debate what to call me while I get some sleep? I’m so tired, all the time.” I closed my eyes, but could not sleep for the shadow voices continued on as if I couldn’t perceive them while I could hear every word.
I let the accusations and emotional abuse drift through the blood and into my spirit until there was a different voice in the void beneath the waves and Dream’s familiar tone came to me out of the murk. “Heidi, why are you napping alone in the dark?” he asked.
“I’m not napping,” I said, pushing myself off of the ocean floor. “I’m gaming with the shadowmen of this place. It’s not very fun but it’s a way to pass the time until I find a way out of here.”
“Well, you might want to stop pretending,” Dream said. “Something terrible is going on in the Night King’s castle and the Light Congress needs you there.”
“I know, I saw it before I was pulled into the mirror,” I said. “I don’t know how I was sidetracked by the fight between Dionysus and Addiction but here I am. What should we do? We can’t abandon our friends in their time of need but I can’t see any way out of this sea of blood.”
“Imagination doesn’t create a way out?” Dream said. “It always has before.”
“No, imagination brings in the shadowmen and their endless games of categorization and name calling but they don’t reveal another gate,” I said. “The only way I was able to survive this long was with Companion’s silent help and encouragement.”
“Who’s Companion?” my dragon said. “I don’t know anyone with that name among our friends.”
“I am Companion,” said my voiceless friend and the ancient spirit stepped out of my heart in that dark place. He appeared as a lion who stood as tall as my shoulder and Dream took a step back from my side cautiously.
“I do not know you,” Dream said. “But if you have been of assistance to Heidi, then you are destined to be a friend of mine. Why did you not introduce yourself before? She has wandered the worlds looking for allies in the war against the shadow and clearing paths when there was no obvious way forward.”
“The path to self knowledge can be long and winding,” Companion replied. “I know not the will of the gods any more or less well than any other in existence. Hades introduced me to this spirit the moment I accepted a command from the great warrior king of my heart. Her quest is so like my own that perhaps she was walking my path before we even met.”
“How could that be, Companion?” I said. “Through my lived experience, it seems like I was honoring our sacred pact before we made it, though I did not know that this was so. Even knowing of this pact now, I still don’t understand the meaning of it all, not really.”
“What sacred pact?” Dream said. “I am your lieutenant in the Inner Worlds. Badger and I are your closest friends, guardians and guides. If you had a promise you were honoring through your vision work, we would have known it because you have always shared your most secret heart with us. I walk this path and all the others with you for honor and glory, love and family, and I thought you were the same. What have you promised this lion from the time before? Don’t you know how dangerous such beings are?”
“Honor and glory?” Companion said, taken aback by my dragon’s words. “By all the gods and Aphrodite herself, who are you and what is your connection to my warrior king?” The lion and the dragon looked at me and I opened my mouth to reply, but no words came out. I searched my mind and heart but could find no explanation for the path that had brought me to this moment in time.
“I don’t know that I can answer your questions, Dream,” I said at last. “Maybe I forgot my past and what I was doing in my perpetual struggle with my own shadow. However we ended up here, all I can say is that I am stronger than I once was because of Companion’s new presence in my life. Please, let’s pretend like he’s been with me the entire time because if I try to remember how we met or even how I arrived at this moment I feel a numbness overcoming my heart like a brush from the Devourer’s wings.”
Dream shut his eyes for a moment in frustration, sighed, and then opened them again. Then, he reached out and embraced me beneath the blood red waves. “Your ability to run away from reality’s shadows never ceases to amaze me, Heidi,” he spoke softly into my ear. “I will do whatever you want to help you escape this place. Tell me, what do you want to do now and Companion and I will make this wish a reality.”
“Take me back to the shadow spiders’ cave, Dream,” I said. “Companion and I are determined to face the Devourer and I heard its voice coming clearly from that place until it sent me here. The Light Congress can and will hold the line against the gathering shadow, wherever it may be, until we can explore that far realm. I believe in them and pray that they remember their own strength and goodness in the love that they have for each other.”
“You have such faith in your friends,” Dream said, releasing me. “I hope this faith is not misplaced. Companion, help me open a door to, what I presume is, the Devourer’s lair? This unnatural ocean affects Heidi in such a powerful way that I can’t transport her away from here without your cooperation. The shadow of Dionysus is a scourge as ancient as you and exceedingly strong.”
Companion nodded his great head once in acquiescence and stepped back into my heart, resuming his silent witness of my war against the shadow. Together, Dream and I traced a door in the waters of Addiction’s cup by moving our hands as one and outlining a new gate in reality with our imaginations, Dream’s innate abilities, and the lion’s strength hidden deep within my spirit. I took my friend’s hand in my own and we left the ocean of blood for a place that was somehow both new to me but also well known- the Lair of the Devourer.
There my vision ended.
The Light Congress 