Gate: Three of Wands
I stepped through the vision gate and found myself standing on an unreflective surface made of black water which released large bubbles at intervals that felt random, but as I stood and watched the bubbles I began to detect a pattern in their appearance. I slowly became mesmerized as the bubbles burst one after another, each emitting a sparkling light of radiant brilliance. The lights shone so brightly for a moment, then faded. Again and again, the bubbles formed, light emerged, then slowly disappeared.
“It is like the lives of those who are born on earth,” I said to myself as I watched the interaction of the light bubbles and dark waters. “We emerge for such a short time, shine in our destined life spans, and then return to the place we came from. It makes me sad, this contemplation of impermanence.”
A feeling of melancholy and loss built in my heart until, quite unexpectedly, a particularly large bubble burst in front of my face, breaking my ruminations on death and rebirth. Instead of a bright light emerging from the bubble, a well-formed cube made of dark water came out.
“Don’t be sad, Heidi, and for heaven’s sake please don’t cry,” the cube said. “We are the Organizing Thought for this place. It was meant as a reminder of immortality and the resilience of the spirit, not a demoralizing memento mori. You fall so easily into shadow, maybe this is a propensity you should address.”
“Hello, friendly Thought,” I said. “I appreciate your observations about my behavior but cannot help who I am and the way I process reality. Someday this may be different, but this is who I am right now. What world are we experiencing?”
“You stand in another of the realms of the Divine Mother,” the cube gently responded. “With self awareness and self knowledge, anything is possible. Never give up trying to develop your lens of perception to make it the most beneficial version it can be, not only for yourself but for those you encounter in the worlds.”
“I strive to embody the best potential version of myself,” I said. “Thank you for the encouragement on that front. What occurs in this world, Organizing Thought, beyond the symbolic nature of it?”
“Birth mainly,” said the cube. “Come this way. I will take you to the Divine Mother so that she may share further wisdom and knowledge with you.”
“Please lead on,” I said. “I find myself more than ready to consider new universal truths other than endless grief.” As the cube and I moved over the surface of the water, light bubbles continued to form, burst, and reform in their arcane patterns. Then, the very air around us changed into an inky and impenetrable darkness. The new environment banished my sadness but caused an inescapable feeling of fear to rise within my spirit and my steps upon the dark water began to flag.
“Keep going, Heidi,” the cube said. “We’re nearly there, don’t despair.”
“Why are the skies so dark now when they were light before?” I said. “I don’t like feeling afraid as I explore reality. I prefer joyous wandering.”
“We move into the realms of the formless,” the cube said. “It has also been called the unexamined part of the psyche, a place where few choose to go and so the ruling power of fear has claimed this corner of reality for their own.”
“The Servants of Fear I’ve encountered are unpleasant but generally manageable if you can overcome the emotion they engender,” I said. “Sometimes the most extraordinary beings are waiting to meet you on the other side of fear. I can’t name how many spirits I have met after walking through the shadows and confronting the unknown.”
“Fear maintains power here because the world of forms provides many distractions from inward journeys,” the cube replied as we went deeper into the darkness. “An aspirant can turn one’s attention exclusively from the inner worlds to the outer worlds, if they so choose, leaving the unknown to the shadows and fearmongers. This is an example of the exercise of free will in creation and a frontline in the Eternal War.” At this point, the cube and I had traveled so far into the world of the formless that I could no longer see my body, the cube themselves, or the light bubbles anymore. There was nothing but the void, my presence, and the presence of the one who floated beside me.
“This feels quite dangerous,” I said as Fear whispered in my heart. “Am I able to pass into the world of the formless without losing myself to the shadows?”
“Do not be afraid,” said the cube, their voice coming from the complete darkness. “You carry within you an eternal flame that can pass into the worlds without form and back again. Nothing can extinguish your light without your consent so do not give the shadows that power.” Suddenly, a lighted doorway appeared from the formlessness of the reality where we walked.
“Here we are, Heidi, and not a moment too soon,” the cube said, their form visible in the miniscule amount of light from the new gate. “Pass within for the Mother is there. She waits for you.”
“Thank you for both your kind words and your guidance, Organizing Thought,” I said. “I hope we meet again soon.” Then I went to the doorway and cast myself through it to discover I was drifting in another void within the realm of the formless. “Mother,” I called into the nothingness. “I’m here to learn more about your true nature. Please don’t leave me alone in the dark outside of your presence.”
“Heidi, you are never outside of my presence,” said the goddess from the all-encompassing void. “You have encountered me in many forms and I have worn many faces to instruct your mind about my timeless existence. Today, I would have you understand me with your heart.”
“Is it even possible to understand a force beyond anything my mind could conceive?” I asked the void.
“Anything is possible,” the Divine Mother replied. “If you have faith and trust in the unseen, you will find yourself capable of many things your mind never even dreamt of.”
“Then I open my heart to you, Mother, and give myself over to your teachings,” I said. “I believe in the possibility of impossible things all the time. Perhaps this makes me a fool, but small miracles occur every day because of this faith and I feel blessed to have the ability to recognize them as they arise.”
“Here comes another small miracle for your consideration and contemplation,” the goddess said as I felt my feet touch a smooth surface and I found myself standing upon a grid made of light which shone in the void. “Heidi, seeker, my child,” said the Divine Mother, her voice coming from all around me. “Who am I?”
“You are form,” I replied. “The giver and taker of form throughout the myriad worlds.”
“What else?” the goddess asked.
“You are the void who holds everything,” I said. “The cosmic womb of creation from which all emerge and return to again in a cycle of endless existence.”
“What else?” the Divine Mother said.
“You hold the world of forms in place in observable patterns,” I said. “The study of your patterns holds my attention quite often.”
“How do I do this?” asked the Divine Mother. “The manifestation of observable patterns?”
“This is one of the great mysteries of creation, Mother,” I said, casting my attention around for inspiration in the void. I had no intuitive answers of any sort until I looked down at my feet, resting upon the light grid and words suddenly fell from my lips. “You hold small molecules in patterns and those patterns create the forms we can see with our eyes and experience with our bodies, that which we call reality.”
“How do I create molecules?” said the goddess.
“I do not know, Mother,” I said. “This is an act of the Creator of All and I do not know their secrets.”
“Then let us make a few more observations about the reality you know and understand,” the Divine Mother said. “What is within a molecule, Heidi?”
“I am not a physicist or a great scientist to know the answer to that question,” I said. “But I have heard that even within the smallest particles, there is space, the presence of the void of creation.”
“And who is the space?” the goddess asked.
I smiled as a new realization began to take root in my spirit. “You, Great One,” I said. “You are the space.”
A sun burst into my vision, shining brightly out of the void and illuminating the endless expanse of the formless world the Divine Mother and I were existing within. I shielded my eyes from its blinding appearance until they could adjust to its innate brilliance. “Most people understand how the sun provides energy to the earth,” the goddess said. “Is this so in your experience, Heidi?”
“Yes, Mother,” I said. “The sun’s energy lights and warms the earth and keeps everything on it alive. The processes by which it does this as well as the genesis of the sun itself have been studied extensively by the great minds of my waking world.”
“And what is the sun composed of?” asked the Divine Mother.
“Different elements which interact with each other in extraordinary ways,” I said.
“What are those elements composed of?” the goddess asked.
“Molecules,” I said. “In the level of reality below that, there is more that is being discovered every day by those who seek the mysteries of creation.”
“What do you think exists in the most subtle levels of that which you call reality?” the Divine Mother said. “The ones that have yet to be studied?”
“I imagine that the other levels or worlds, if you will, of reality mirror the one I know in the organization of the patterns they contain,” I said. “Therefore, if I had to venture a guess, I would say we will find space. Perhaps more as well, but at the very least, there will be space.”
The sun burst outwards and its explosive energy changed into a trailing vine of light which wound itself throughout the void, lighting the darkest corners and driving away the watching shadows. “I am the holder of form. I am space,” said the Divine Mother, her voice coming from the vine. “I am understanding. I am.” Before my wondering eyes, the vine of light changed into the forms of elderly men standing next to each other in rippling lines in the heart of the void.
I waited for the elders to speak with me or communicate in some manner I could understand, but the spirits stood in watchful silence as we observed each other. I broke the stillness first. “Mother, I do not understand this form and pattern,” I said. “You are the female energy, not the male.”
“I am form,” the goddess said laughing as her voice came from the men of her vine. “What are these spirits composed of?”
“Well, they most likely exist on a very subtle level of reality but I imagine their spirits rise from different elements and their associated molecules,” I said.
“And who may be observed within those?” the Divine Mother said. “Even at the most remote layers of reality?”
“You,” I said and began to laugh at my own assumptions. “The space which holds the pattern of anything is representative of your presence in creation.”
The crowd of male spirits turned their attention upon me and spoke as one being. “I am all form,” said the goddess. “I can appear however I choose.” The legions of the Mother changed abruptly into clouds of smeared light like nebulas who had yet to be pulled together into a star. Then, their forms flickered again, changing into countless infants lying helplessly around me, just beginning the first stages of their existence in the embodied worlds. Then, the spirits changed their forms into a group of women, who burst into my sight as first young, then old, then babies again.
Next, the forms moved away from humanity and into nature as the spirits turned into a stand of trees, a forest made of light. I felt an immediate recognition in my heart of the glowing forest but already the Mother’s servants were changing again and there were new forms and patterns to observe.
Faster and faster the spirits changed, presenting themselves to my eyes as old then young, male and female, human, animal, and plant. The lights became one continual, bewildering display of energy as surreal eyes made of light and ghostly limbs of humanity, animals and plants twirled and spun in the void, becoming more than my mind could comprehend in its infinite complexity and variety.
As I felt my sanity slowly deserting me, the forms compressed themselves into a boiling mass like a newly birthed sun of shifting forms and boundless energy. I drew closer to this beckoning form, pulled ever closer by the voice of the Divine Mother who still spoke from its depths.
“Heidi, are you aware? Heidi, do you see through my forms?” the goddess said. “Is your heart still open to understanding me?”
I moved into and through the compressed ball of forms, and found myself flying through clouds of living, misty energy towards an eternally changing light. The vapor and light was made of consciousness itself and they spoke to me.
“Hail Mary, Mother of God…” whispered the voices from all around. “Shiva, Great Destroyer…” “Heal my child…” “Feed us. Grow the crops. Make our soil fertile.” “Mother, I beg you, spare my son.” “Mother, give me a child and I will serve you until I die.” “He doesn’t love me. Mother, change his heart.”
Some of the voices spoke in languages that I couldn’t understand and patterns I had never heard. Songs and chanted prayers drifted among the pleas of the obviously suffering spirits whose voices touched my heart, causing me to feel fear for them but also an all-encompassing compassion for their plight. I continued on through the clouds of suffering until I reached their very center and the infinite being of changing light and form who had birthed them. Fear began to build unstoppably within my spirit and I paused to gather my courage to continue onwards.
“It’s like another Light Congress, another gathering of those who dwell and create together,” I whispered to myself. “Organizing Thought and the Mother have provided a path to a carefully guarded mystery of fear and the realm of the void. Remember what you said to Thought: on the other side of fear and shadow, you meet extraordinary beings. The Mother and her servants would never hurt me, I think, so I really shouldn’t be this terrified to move forward. But why do so many suffer and call upon her? Why is reality allowed to exist such as it is and break the hearts of those who fill her many forms throughout the worlds? I have to know. Please, Creator of All, allow me to understand this particular pattern for the good of all.”
As I spoke to myself at the foot of the giver of form, her light began to shape itself into an enormous woman with a hood over her head like a Madonna from classical paintings. I was a mere speck in the clouds of suffering humanity and this being reached forth her hand and plucked me from the void as if I was a grape from a vine rather than an observant spirit.
“All humanity throughout time calls to me, the holder of form,” the goddess said, raising me to the level of her face. “They ask me to change form, provide new form, heal form. And, through all of this mindless seeking and calling, they do not understand.”
“Understand what, Mother?” I said.
The giant of light and appearance leaned towards me so that her breath touched my cheek like a breeze. “I am at the very center of their being, holding them together through creation’s patterns,” the goddess said. “If they knew that I did this out of unconditional love for them, they would not send such supplications to me, trying to prove their worthiness of my attention through promised sacrifices and pointless suffering.”
The goddess inhaled deeply, pulling some of the surrounding clouds into herself, and then began to blow on me, releasing all that she was upon my spirit. My form began to boil with light and I felt myself changing as her servants had. I became disembodied eyes, limbs, trees, people, animals, everything in existence that the Divine Mother was, I was too, because she asked me to be.
“Mother, why do you hold form together even for those who harm others?” I said. “Why do you allow suffering in creation?”
“Because I love you all,” the goddess said, still breathing upon me as her thoughts raced through my mind and heart. “Because I am you all. If you look within yourself to the space within the space within the space, I am there. This is true for you, the innocent, the guilty, all in creation. Those who are afraid of death, deny my existence. I would never allow their spirit to dissolve into nothingness.”
“Those who are afraid of age, deny my existence. I would never allow their spirit to dissolve into nothingness,” she said. “Those who are afraid of the void and its attendant shadows, deny my existence.” The Divine Mother ceased her blowing upon me and my form began to fade under her watchful eyes. “I am the void. I am the form. I hold their being together and I love them eternally and unconditionally.”
“Mother,” I whispered as my body dissolved and I became a point of light. “Thank you.”
The goddess smiled. “Thank you? For what?” she said.
“For sharing your secrets with me in a manner I can understand,” I said as my energy began to spread into the clouds around her.
“Oh, Heidi,” said the smiling goddess. “Thank you for looking into the void to find me. It is possible to go lifetimes without knowing me. Thank you for looking and seeking to understand my mysteries. Now go and be the love I feel for all creation, demonstrating my unconditional benevolence and mercy through your presence. I empower you to do this if that is what you desire.”
“If my mere presence could assist in alleviating the suffering of those in reality,” I said. “Then may I embody a shining light and a form for the transference of your wisdom and love. I wish to be a force of goodness and lend my strength to the warriors of light, assisting those who remove suffering rather than add to it. Please, Mother, help me to do this in memory of what you have shown me today.”
The goddess nodded her head once in acknowledgement of my words. Then my diffused energy became heavy, gathered itself together, and I fell through the clouds of consciousness surrounding the Divine Mother as a shining raindrop. As a raindrop of energy, I sank into the dark water of the entryway to the world of the formless. I entered the water but then immediately began to rise again and exploded from its surface in a formed bubble of motion and light. All around, other shining drops were sinking then rising from the water as bubbles of light, demonstrating their brilliance and fading again.
“Friends!” I called to the other lights, pushing the words out of my heart into the void around me. “Brothers and sisters of light, we have form and shape from the Mother who births us all. Speak to me so that I may know you and you may know me.”
But the lights did not respond to my words with words of their own. Instead, as I proclaimed myself, they rushed towards me from all directions, joining their energy and form into my own. As they became a part of me, I realized the spirits who responded to the call of my heart did not have their own separate consciousnesses, they were primal energy and as much a part of me as I was a part of them. We were one. Their tremendous influx of energy joined my own and my body of light with which I could do whatever I desired.
“It is a path of Unity,” I thought to myself and all who were one with me. “As well as a gift from the Mother, a precious insight of oneness with which we can serve the Creator of All. What are we supposed to do with this knowledge and new mode of understanding? I say we serve the light to the best of our ability. What say you, Formless Ones?”
Rather than receiving an answer in spoken words, the energy continued to burst from the water and fall eternally from the Divine Mother above, becoming one with me. After a time, I saw I had more light than I needed to form my being. This excess light began to float around me as I had seen the clouds circling around the Mother. Quite quickly, I became a giant of light, surrounded by the living clouds of lighted mist just as she had been.
From these clouds, I heard my own voice speaking and saw actions from my past. I felt like my whole life was surrounding me, but it was more than that. Any form from creation that I had ever come into contact with, any movement that I made or breath I had breathed or concept that had passed through my mind, it all existed around me now and was a part of me. With all of the latent energy created by my existence and the combined energetic gifts from those of the Formless, I could do or be anything that I chose.
The only thing that I could not do was prevent more and more light from coming to me and joining with all that I was. I maintained a measure of peace and stillness in my heart through a quiet voice who whispered in my mind that all that was required of me was to exist in the center of light and just be who I was born to be. There was no striving for goals. There was no conflict with my peers. There was only being and simple presence within the space created by unconditional love.
“The Mother loves you and so do I,” the voice whispered from my spirit. “Tell them, Heidi. Remind them all.”
“The Mother loves you and so do I,” I pushed the words from my mind out of the gateway of my heart and spread it among the perpetually gathering energy, sharing the secret message given to me by the Formless. “The Mother loves you and so do I.”
As the clouds continued to collide and take shape, I realized they were coalescing in the expressed energy from my heart into beings with free will and desires separate from my own and the quiet presence at the center of my being. The moment I had that realization, I felt what was once my energy raining down into the void below and those drops hit the dark water and they, in turn, began to create their own forms. The process and patterns of creation, being, and expansion began to repeat itself. I saw this happen over and over again but I continued my quiet declaration with each beat of my heart and breath from my lungs, secure in the knowledge that the one who created me was present and always would be. My mere existence proved this to be true.
“The Mother loves you and so do I,” I said. “Please whatever forms you take, Formless Ones, remember the Mother loves you and so do I. The Creator of All desires to know themselves through us so choose any form and know it is the right one for you. There is no wrong choice. You are all one, no matter your form, and always remember the Mother loves you unconditionally and so do I.”
As I spoke my message of love to those who had yet to declare themselves in the Eternal War, I saw all of the formative clouds with their attendant raindrops of falling energy and numinous beings of presence in the center of them all as if from an immense distance. They went further and further away from my sight, shining, bright, and beautiful in the midst of the void of creation. After a time, they were so far away that their light combined into one large mass of seething light and energy. I moved back yet further and the seething ball of light appeared to my sight as a star.
The star sat serenely in the darkness of space surrounded by countless other stars. All of these stars, expressions of the servants of the Divine Mother, composed the form of an enormous spirit in the shape of a woman who was made of space and stars herself, holding all creation into observable patterns with her own being.
I heard the Divine Mother’s voice, quietly chanting a mantra that came from her heart. “I am form. I am the void,” she said. “I am understanding. I am love.” Over and over again I heard her say like a prayer from the vast expanse of the realm of the Formless Ones: “Form, void, understanding, love.” Some of the stars were speaking the goddess’ words along with her. They were very soft and hard to perceive, but they were there, voicing the Mother’s love for all in creation.
Then words were drawn from my lips and I spoke the truth given to me by the one who created me in an unstoppable response to the one who held my form together. “The Mother loves you and so do I,” I whispered and all of the stars in the firmament twinkled at me in response. “The Mother loves you and so do I. Servants of Fear, attend unto my words, the Mother loves you and so do I.”
A single voice echoed back to me from the Formless space. “Speak louder, Mouse,” the voice said. “Whispers get lost in the general noise.”
“Mouse was my daughter when I stood upon the hilltop at the end of all things,” I said. “My name is Heidi.”
“You don’t say,” said the voice as one of the stars began to head my way out of the void. “Have you any other names?”
“I once carried a message and designation from Unity to my waking world,” I said. “They spoke the words, amor omnia vincit.”
“That name is mine,” the Formless one said. “You must choose another.”
“The only other presence who could claim that concept other than Love herself is Fear,” I said to the star. “As I once sat on Fear’s throne, that honor is also mine. Whoever you are and whoever you represent, know that in the worlds beyond duality, there is a oneness of all things. Amor omnia vincit as a way of being in existence can be mine as well as yours.”
“If you believe that, then you don’t remember anything at all,” the star said. “In some realms of influence, there can be only one presence and this sphere is mine.”
“You’re wrong but my words won’t prove this to you,” I said, changing my form from a body of a woman to a bubbling mass of potential. “May I take a form that shows you the truth of this world in a manner that you can understand.” I felt my body solidify into a set form rather than the ceaselessly changing light of the Formless Ones.
“Would you look at that,” the star said. “You look just like me.”
I looked at my hands, waving them experimentally in front of my eyes, but they looked just like they always do. “I can’t see what you’re seeing because I still see my body as my own,” I said. “But I am a Servant of Love, not Fear himself for that is who you are to me.”
“Who said my name is Fear?” the Formless One replied, his star-shape beginning to shift and change into a human form. “I say it is Love.”
“The names we give ourselves have the most power over our existence and Love may take many forms in our lives,” I said. “Love or Fear embodied, I feel compelled to deliver unto you the message that the Mother loves you and so do I.”
Love raised his hand over me in benediction. “I have a message for you too, Mother of Mouse and partial Unity of Amor Omnia Vincit,” he said. “The Father loves you and so do I.” Light came from the spirit and enveloped me in a bubble from his own form, dissolving my vision into separate particles of light and shadow.
There my vision ended.
The Light Congress 
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