Gate: A Holly Bush
I passed through the vision gate and found myself on the back of a stag, racing through a forest. A pack of bloodhounds nipped and bayed at the stag’s heels. I held tightly to the neck of the stag and felt him shuddering with exhaustion, tiring more with each step.
“This chase has gone on too long to weary one such as you,” I spoke into the stag’s ear. He did not acknowledge my words, simply kept on pushing through the ancient woods, mere steps ahead of those who would do us both harm.
I glanced over my shoulder at the relentless and merciless hunters. As I did, their canine faces shifted and contorted, morphing the top half of their heads into compound insect eyes. They continued to harry the stag, their baying cries turning into something else as well- like the hiss and rattle of myriad beetles disturbed in their den.
As we cleared another rise in the landscape, the mighty stag stumbled at last and I cried out for Dream, my dragon. To my surprise, he appeared beneath my legs as the running stag but his new form renewed his strength and he roared a challenge to our pursuers. Spreading his wings, he carried me out of reach of the monstrous insect-dogs and high into the skies above our woodland home.
As we glided away, the creatures sprouted wings as well and continued their pursuit of us into the sky. Dream’s power kept us ahead of them for a time, but they gained on us once again, drawing speed and strength from each other.
“They’re not going to let us rest until we give up the chase,” Dream said, moving us through the clouds in a fruitless effort to conceal ourselves within their welcoming mist. “Do we concede?”
“Never!” I said. “All we need is a better hiding place while we recover our strength.” Even as I had the thought, the hidden cave entrance to the antlered boy’s lair appeared on the ground far below us, visible through the shifting clouds. “There!” I cried, pointing at the subterranean entrance.
Dream shifted his massive body and beelined in the direction I indicated. The buzzing hounds remained on the same chase trajectory in the sky for a heartbeat longer, overshooting their quarry so we had some breathing space once again.
We raced through the heavens and downwards, fleeing the nameless terror of the hunt. My dragon folded his wings tightly into his body and slammed through the cave entrance into the earth, spreading his wings again once we cleared the exit.
“Dream, watch out!” I screamed helplessly as he smashed through the numerous crystalline stalactites and stalagmites of the underground space. I tumbled from his back as we came to the center of the cave with its pond, our forward momentum ended at last.
He was grievously injured from the antlered boy’s maze door trap, bleeding from dozens of wounds and his wings hung brokenly from his back. “Dream,” I cried, running my hands over his brave head. “I’m so sorry. The last time I entered this safe place I was much smaller and didn’t have you.”
He panted shallowly with the pain of it but still managed to give me a crooked smile. “I will easily recover, Heidi, I just need to rest,” he said. “But I will make sure the pack can’t get in to harass you in my absence.” Dream dragged himself towards the cave entrance over the pulverized shards of rock, leaving a trail of blood as he went.
Then, at the cave’s end, Dream sighed and opened his mouth so wide it covered the opening completely. As he did so, his blue scaled body turned to stone, blocking the way in and out. I was left alone in the dark with the still and silent water of the cavern as I had been once before a long time ago.
A single torch flickered from an alcove in the cave wall. It threw strange shadows on my body and was reflected back from the glittering dust of the ruined cave and within the sacred pond itself.
I looked upwards at the antlered boy’s drawing of the Horned King on the roof of the cavern that still stood silent sentinel in the darkness. As I gazed at the portrait, it moved, sliding sideways across the ceiling and down the cave wall. It slipped effortlessly to the wall next to the torch where it came to life and the Horned King stepped out of the stone of the cave wall into the loneliness of my current existence.
He held a glittering silver chain in his hand and Shadow was at the other end, following him out of the wall. She looked strange to my eyes, not like my familiar Shadow at all. From the feet to the neck, she was made of darkness and mist as usual but her head was the defleshed skull of a stag with towering antlers similar to the Horned King’s. Her eyes glowed red from the empty sockets of the stag’s skull.
Cernunnos stopped on the other edge of the pond and silently surveyed the destruction in the cave. When he saw my stone dragon blocking the far end of the cavern, he snorted like an angry beast. Then, he turned his attention to me. “Why are you here?” he asked, annoyance in his tone. “And why did you ruin my cave? It took me forever to build the stalactite and stalagmite maze.”
“Great One,” I said, abashed. “I’m sorry for what happened to your home. There were monsters in the woods and…”
“I know what’s in the forest,” he cut me off. “So not only did you desecrate my cavern, you also force me to speak my question a second time. Why are you here?” My mutated Shadow glowered at me from behind him, slinking around the illuminating torchlight and dragging her chain along the floor.
“I came for shelter from those who would cause me and my friends harm, and seek answers from the ruling powers of this place,” I said. “There’s no need to be short with me for the monsters were the reason Dream and I returned to you and your sacred space at all. I must know more about the antlered boy in the cauldron. Is he you, Great One?”
The Horned King’s face was impassive as he replied, “You needn’t have come here to speak with me.” He pulled on the silver chain and dragged Shadow into the light where she hissed in my direction. “A part of you travels with me always. You could have simply looked through her eyes.”
“But I don’t see what or how my shadow sees…” I started to say, and the god cut me off again.
“Leave,” he said. Dragging Shadow closer, he broke off one of the tips of her antlers and consumed it. “I’ll use her to rebuild what you have broken. You, Destructive One, are not welcome here.”
Shadow draped her arms around Cernunnos’ mighty shoulders and pressed her skull against his cheek. “Yes,” she said. “Leave him with me, Heidi. For he is mine and mine alone.”
I felt anger building in my chest at yet another indignity suffered at the hands of my own errant shadow. “I say when I stay or go,” I said. “As well as who is mine or not.” Gesturing to the pond, I pulled up the glowing ball of golden light from which I last heard the antlered boy’s voice. “Tell me the truth of this vision, Great One, and I will leave you and my worthless shadow in peace.”
My previous vision appeared within the waters, from my entrance to the forest, to the passage of the giant slug and its burden, to the cave where we stood at the present moment. Then, the vision focused on the pavilion that rested atop the giant slug. Under the gilded cloth, a creature made of moonlight with dragonfly wings sat on a throne made of a living tree, bent and shaped to his nefarious purpose.
The antlered boy, my lost antlered boy, cowered before this throne, a single stub on the left side of his head the only remnant of his once-proud horns. The winged monster on the throne gestured and a servant broke the final piece of antler from the boy’s head, releasing a fountain of blood. The boy fell senseless to the ground and died.
The servant crushed the horn into a goblet made of wood where it turned the water within into something else, a ruby red draught like the scattered blood of a sacrificed god. He handed the cup to the creature on the throne, who lifted it to his lips and began to drink.
My eyes were drawn from the vision as the Horned King stepped into the sacred pond of his ruined cave and reached into the glowing sphere of light. His powerful hand encircled the other king’s neck and he squeezed. The creature in the vision responded as if this was real, dropping his goblet filled with blood, and began clawing at his neck, trying to free himself from a threat he couldn’t see.
Cernunnos laughed at his power over the Other in my vision. “You are forgiven for both your trespass and desecration of my space,” he said. “Because I will finally take back what belongs to me.” He closed his fist even more tightly and the thing within the golden globe who once had skin the color of moonlight began to turn a mottled shade of red beneath the god’s invisible choking hand.
I thought the Horned King would kill the creature, and I thought I would allow him to do so because of the death of my antlered boy, but then the god gave a roar and pulled his hand out of the light and back into the cave, dragging the monster with him from the vision to our shared reality. “Give me what is mine that you stole from me,” he bellowed. “Give it to me now!”
The murderous creature squirmed in his grip, turning purple as crystalline antlers burst from his head. The horns grew longer and longer, shifting and crossing in a complex pattern, revealing the appalling extent of the stolen power throughout time of the antlered boy by the monstrous king and his hunting party.
Cernunnos gave the creature a final shake and the stolen crystal antlers burst apart, their glittering dust falling to mingle with the destroyed stalagmites and stalactites of the rest of the cave. Then, instead of dying, the monster in the god’s fist laughed. His face changed from a strangling mask into a nightmare with compound insect eyes and a man’s mouth and chin.
“You always were a fool,” the creature said, his eyes beginning to multiply. “And so easy to manipulate when you’re angry.” Eyes burst into being on the rest of the monster’s body and the Horned King’s grasp on the thing failed as his entire body turned into eyeballs. The eyes fell out of the god’s hand in a spray like smooth river pebbles and spread throughout the cave. Then, from each eye, a nightmare creature with the body of a man and a head of compound eyes sprang out. The hunters arrayed themselves within the antlered boy’s hidden cave, an army of monsters come to life from an ancient stolen power.
One of the creatures, larger than the others, stood closest to Cernunnos, my shadow, and I. “You let me into the seat of your power, foolish spirit,” he said. “I will consume the rest of you, fully grown and actualized. Then, I will live forever instead of subsisting on bits of stolen horn. My eternal hunt will finally be concluded and it’s all thanks to you.” A bloodhound with insect eyes appeared and sat herself at the creature’s feet. The dog growled and then barked, but no sound issued from the hound’s lips.
“It’s the hound that barks unseen,” I said, but no one took any notice of me. “I haven’t seen this spirit for ages. I wonder where she’s been for she was so helpful to me in the past when she announced the presence of the inflictor of the wound that doesn’t heal. What was his name again?”
Cernunnos pulled Shadow’s chain until she stood in his arms once more rather than hiding behind him. With a twist, he broke off one of her horns and, in his hands, it changed into a long spear. “I’m not as easy to kill as I once was, fiend,” he said and made a gesture at Shadow.
She closed her eyes, bowed her head and threw her arms out to the side in supplication. The shadows of the Light Congress answered her call in all their glory and power. The dragons, wizards, beasts, and gods, goddesses, the dark aspects of all my friends, prepared themselves for battle with the hunters of the insect army. My heart broke at the sight of a shadow badger with eyes made of fire who stood loyally at her side and I began to weep.
“No,” I said. “Not my Badger too, please leave me my Badger. You already took my antlered boy.” But my cry was lost as the two sides rushed towards each other. My shadows fought the eye monsters, vanquishing them and breaking them into pieces. But no sooner did a creature fall, then it rose again, multiplying itself each time. Cernunnos furiously fought the largest monster in the center of the cavern and he was having as little luck as the rest of the shadows of the Light Congress.
While I wept, Shadow grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the torch in the cave wall where long ago I had watched my antlered boy disappear into another world. She was covered in wounds and taking on more as I watched. Each time Cernunnos took a cut from the leader of the Others, a similar injury appeared on her body. She gritted her teeth against the pain.
“Who are those creatures?” I asked. “Please Shadow, help me. I can’t lose my Badger. Don’t let them take him from me again.” Shadow reached out a trembling hand and took one of mine, pressing an object into my fist. It was the end of her silver chain, but when I touched it, the chain turned into a shining silver dagger. Along its blade, the weapon bore the inscription: LOVE.
“If you want to save the Light Congress, your Badger among them, Heidi, the solution is simple,” she said. “Kill me. Kill me now before the Other does.”
“I can’t kill my own Shadow. You ask the impossible,” I said, my tears beginning to dry as my anger built within me. “Furthermore I won’t do it because I do not wish to do so. Tell me what those things are and I’ll help get rid of them.”
Out in the cave while Shadow and I conversed, the shadows of the Light Congress fell to the things with many eyes. Finally, only Cernunnos and their monstrous leader remained standing. They traded blows, back and forth, until the Other smashed a weapon into my Shadow’s King’s head and he fell, stunned. Then, the monster hauled Cernunnos up by his neck, crushing his windpipe in the exact same way he had been dragged out of my vision into the cave.
My Shadow was lifted and choked along with her Horned King. “Kill me,” she croaked. “I beg you. Do it, do it now!” A single tear made of the flame of her burning eyes slid down her cheek. “If you don’t, the Other will take your shadow army. Is that what you want, Heidi?”
“I thought you were the Other,” I said, panicking at the sight of my fearless Shadow in tears.
“The Shadow is the Shadow,” she said hoarsely. “The Other is the Other.” The light began to fade from her eyes. “Kill me, Heidi, please,” she begged one final time and passed out.
I screamed in defiance of the eyes and the Other and the whole world, and raised my dagger. The sacred space within the cave became unnaturally still as the shadows and the Others ceased their fight and froze in place. Then, I turned the blade towards myself, slamming it home into my own heart.
The Other and his army with the many eyes gave a horrendous screech then each standing insect hunter turned into separate eyes again and fell apart. As their eyes bounced through the crystalline dust of the cave, they turned into innumerable pearls and covered the floor in their richness. Some dug into my cheek as I fell onto the cave floor, blood flowing down my chest from my self inflicted wound.
Then, my Shadow’s King lifted me up and carried me to the center of the cave where the glowing sphere of gold that had caused all of the trouble still floated. As he neared it, the vision gate changed into a stone altar which he gently laid me down on.
“You would do all this for me. No one ever has before,” he said and I had no breath left to reply. The god raised his hands above his head and a torc appeared in one, a serpent in the other. He threaded the snake through the torc and as it passed through, the gold of the torc turned to ivy which Cernunnos placed on my head as a crown. He handed the snake to my Shadow who had reappeared completely unharmed beside him and she wrapped it around her neck where it changed into a silver chain.
The god disappeared from my sight for a time but returned with a handful of pearls which he lifted over my heart’s wound and released. As the pearls fell from his fist, they changed into tears. Again and again, Cernunnos gathered the pearls of the Other’s fallen army and anointed me with them as I lay dying upon the stone altar. I heard words coming from the god’s lips as he did so: “The Mother weeps for you,” he said as he released the tears upon me. “The Father weeps for you. I weep for you.”
My eyes closed and, for a time, I knew nothing else. When I opened my eyes again, I was walking in an ancient forest, the wound within my heart healed as if it had never been. Rain fell from the sky and landed lightly on my skin, tears from the hand of a god.
I heard a child’s laughter and saw myself, running and playing in the depths of the forest. As my child self disappeared behind a trunk, another child was right behind her.
I followed the children as they appeared and disappeared under the enormous trees. Their harmless game led me to a giant holly bush. As I crawled beneath its branches, the children carved their names into the holly’s trunk. They laughed together once more and disappeared, returning to the world they had emerged from.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I traced my fingers over my name carved in the holly beside the name of my sacrificed antlered boy. I turned my back to the trunk and slid down until I was sitting on the ground, leaning into the brush. The rain continued to fall from the sky but it didn’t make it through the holly’s protective brambles to land on my skin anymore.
I sat and wept over a lost friend from my childhood, wrapped in the silence and stillness of that ancient place.
After some time and many tears, my lost antlered boy crawled under the holly branches and sat with me once more. Then, he handed me a fistful of pearls, the remnants of the Other who had entered his cave, killed him and stolen his power.
“Sometimes life kills you before you die, Heidi,” he whispered. “Don’t let it. Please, for my sake, don’t let it.”
The pearls in my hand changed into a handful of tears and I heard a voice emerge from the waters. “We are sorry, Heidi,” the tears whispered. “Don’t cry anymore. We are sorry. We will weep for you now as he did.” As my tears mingled with those of the Other, I let the water in my hands drip down into the soil of the holly with the rest of the rainwater. The berries upon the sheltering holly bush changed from bright red to white, becoming something else entirely.
There my vision ended.
The Light Congress 