Tarot: The Hermit
I stepped through the vision gate and found myself gazing at the sun. Then, I saw it was actually the pupil of a great eye. The eye gazed placidly at me with the sun at its center.
I then blinked and found myself standing in a room with a shining light beneath my feet. It streamed from a carving that was the exact shape I had just beheld in the sky. I only had a moment to appreciate this decoration before the door swung open.
“Heidi,” said my guardian, Michael. “Thank goodness you’re here. There was a development in the Treasure House of your Imagination and no one knows what to make of it.” He took my left arm in his and led me through the pristine marble hallways of the Temple of Imagination.
“It showed up all at once,” Michael continued. “It appears to be some kind of volcanic disturbance.” He opened a door that led into a room with lava streaming from the ceiling and it disappeared into the floor.
“Looks dangerous,” I said. “And hot. Has anyone asked the salamanders their opinion?”
Michael laughed. “No, I don’t think anyone has asked the fire lizards what they think about it,” he said. “As if they’d talk with us anyway.”
“Don’t be silly, Michael,” I said. “Of course they talk. I think the trouble is no one takes the time to listen to their reply which sometimes takes awhile to arrive. What do you think it is?”
“I think it must have something to do with your creative mind,” he replied. “See how the energy moves like water and how it is aflame with potential.”
“Very curious,” I said. “Well, you and I have never backed down from an adventure and this looks to be quite promising. If we go in there, what will we see, I wonder.”
“Your destiny,” my angel said. “And maybe, just maybe, something more.”
“Do you really think that is what is contained within?” I asked. “Something beyond destiny?”
Michael turned to me with a quizzical smile. “Why do you ask me?” he said. “I answer your questions as truthfully as I am able, but, if you don’t know, I won’t know. I’m a part of your mind and learn as you learn.”
“I ask because you always seem to know more than I do,” I said. “It’s not fair, really. Why are angels so much more clever than humanity when it comes to the inner worlds? It must be nice to have such clarity of vision and purpose.”
Michael unsheathed his sword. “If I seem wise, it is because that is how you choose to see me,” he said. “The same applies for my cleverness, vision and purpose. Besides, I wouldn’t even be here at this time if you hadn’t decided to explore the Tree of Life. Perhaps you know more about non-physical reality than you allow yourself to consciously realize.” He took my hand in his once more. “Shall we brave this place together, Heidi?”
“Yes, together,” I said and followed my angel into the falling lava.
Michael and I passed through the lava flow as simply as parting a curtain. On the other side of the flames, a staircase led down into solid rock. The stairs were cut straight and true but the sides of the cave that contained them were uncut and unformed.
I ran my fingers along the bumps of the wall as Michael and I went down the staircase into the waiting shadows. “Once, long ago,” I said as I stepped down the staircase. “I followed the god Mercury who was in disguise through the Great Library and he touched the books along the walls just as I’m doing now with the walls of this cave. I wonder if I will ever visit the library again or walk with the god?”
My angel paused. “Would you like to walk with Mercury now?” he asked. “I can appear however you desire, you need only tell me your preference. It is a simple matter for me to change my appearance.”
“Appearance is not the ultimate truth or proof of underlying natures,” I said. “At least, not in the way that people believe in my waking world. This is something I’ve come to believe in my various journeys. I was just reminiscing, Michael, so please let’s continue as we are and see where we end up.”
“As you will it, Heidi. Onward!” my guardian said and we began our journey anew.
At the bottom of the stairs, we discovered a cavern. A lake of fire extended into this cave and the light given off by the flames was such that I could not see the far side of it. The lake of fire bubbled with potential energy but nothing made a sound in that sacred, underground space.
“This lake seems to be expecting someone,” I said. “Who is it waiting for?”
“You, I would think,” said Michael and the ground began to shake. The lava stirred and roiled. In the center of the lake, something began to emerge from the depths of the fire.
A bubble, strangely made of water and not fire, came from the endless waves of flame and was borne aloft by a dragon’s claw. The claw rose into the air until the bubble was at the very apex of the cavern.
“Would you look at that!” I exclaimed. “I wonder if the salamanders have a pact with the undines similar to what exists between the people of the air and water?”
“If they do, I’ve never heard of it,” Michael said. “I expect something like that would be quite difficult to achieve between two elemental peoples of opposite natures. At least the undines and the sylphs have rainbows to bridge the gap between their worlds- mist suspended in the air.”
“True,” I said as Michael and I flew across the lake of fire together. “Though if you think about it, at the conjunction of fire and water, such as in this place, you might have the creation of solid rock or earth. The water cools the liquid rock and makes a domain for the earth elementals to exist and create their quarries of mysteries.”
“Anything for the earth elementals,” Michael said sarcastically.
“Be nice,” I said but laughed despite myself. Then we entered the bubble within the dragon’s claw.
Within the new space, all was mist and vapor. I could neither see nor hear anything beyond the impenetrable fog.
Then, a path appeared made of red bricks and set into the mist of the void. My angel appeared on that path and led me through the fog which pulled back from his presence and made a space for both of us to more easily perceive our surroundings.
At the end of the brick path, a tumbled-down dwelling appeared. Moss hung from its slate covered roof and the chimney was broad and low, slightly leaning to the left.
“I recognize this place,” said Michael. “It’s Merlin’s abode.”
“Merlin’s home? It can’t be,” I said. “I thought he lived in a giant red mushroom.”
“Perhaps he has renovated since you last saw him,” said Michael. “Why don’t you go speak with him and get caught up?”
“Good idea. Thank you for bringing me safely to his doorstep,” I said.
“Anytime, my lady,” my guardian said and disappeared.
I approached the dwelling at the end of the red brick path and knocked at the door. A strange gadget in the shape of an eye made of metal came from above the lintel. “Password,” the eye demanded in metallic tones.
I thought back to my knowledge of the wizard named Merlin. “Nobody,” I answered confidently.
The machine pulled back into the wall with a whir and the cottage door opened.
“Hello!” I peered into rooms filled with books and alchemical projects. One of the rooms was so large it completely contained Merlin’s old mushroom house. I continued on through the building until I came to Merlin’s library.
“Come in,” I heard a voice say and the elderly gentleman welcomed me into his space. He was running from bookshelf to bookshelf, pulling down this tome, then that, constantly moving.
“Merlin,” I said. “It’s so nice to see you again. What have you been working on? More progenitor thoughts?”
“I finished that project a while ago,” he said. “I used the thoughts to venture more deeply into the worlds of the mind. Look at the map I have constructed.” Merlin rolled out a long piece of paper with a bunch of lines and squiggles connected into a helix that started on the left of the page and, as the path led to the right, seemed to get smaller and fade into the distance.
“That’s your map of consciousness?” I asked.
“One of them,” he said, smiling proudly. “Isn’t it a marvel?”
“It is marvelous,” I agreed. “But confusing for a map. Where do you start?”
“You start at the beginning,” he explained, tracing a circular path from the left to the right, carefully threading his way through numerous twists and turns, until the lines become too small to follow. “Then, you go until you can go no further. For beyond the edge of the map, that’s where the dragons and other fantastical creatures of the imagination lie.”
“Your map seems a little overly complex. Let me draw you my map,” I said and pulled out a clean piece of paper from a writing desk nearby. I drew the Tree of Life as I have come to know it and labeled the worlds and paths in between. “This is how I travel the seas of the subconscious,” I said. “As you can see, it is a fairly efficient system. I can’t take credit for it because I followed in the steps of the giants who came before me but I have been working to make the paths easier to travel- breaking down old cobwebs and psychic barriers so to speak for those who wish to walk the paths too.”
“Very simple compared to my method but easier to follow,” Merlin observed. “And what is this upper, blank part of the map like?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I haven’t been there yet but with Michael’s help I’m sure I’ll get there in time.”
“You must let me know about your travels when you complete them,” Merlin declared and began to wrap up both of our drawings. “This will be an excellent addition to my map collection. Come, I’ll take you to see it.”
I followed the wizard deeper into his library past countless stacks of books, papers and other forms of hidden knowledge. “Some day, Merlin,” I said, admiring the collection. “I’ll come to visit you just to peruse your library.”
“I look forward to that day,” said the wizard. “Though I can’t promise to be at home myself, you are welcome to explore at your leisure.” We continued on for a time in silence.
“My glorious map room,” he said at last. Then, he led me into another hidden room through a doorway set within a bookshelf. Deep shelves designed to hold large scrolls lined the walls of the space. Merlin tucked his two newest maps into one of the shelves.
“They will be quite safe there,” he said. “Do you know how I became myself?”
“Became yourself?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you see before you in this space, countless maps of consciousness. I have made them all,” he said. “But, before I was the Merlin, a teacher of those who needed me and a counselor of the worlds beyond, I was a thought, just a wish passing through the minds of those who questioned why reality is the way it is.”
“I was a thought of other seekers, other consciousness explorers,” he continued. “These great lords and ladies thought to themselves, ‘Who will carry on my work when I’m gone?’”
Merlin moved along the walls of the map room, touching first this scroll and then that with his fingertips. “‘Who will teach the ones who come after me what I know so that the knowledge is not lost to oblivion?’” he said. “I emerged from these thoughts and became me. Now, I will help you discover who you are.”
He stopped in front of a dusty shelf and pulled forth an ancient piece of parchment which he unrolled. I saw writing upon the page that I didn’t understand, strange letters shaped like Egyptian or Hebrew hieroglyphs but more complex.
“Merlin,” I said. “I can’t read it for I do not know this language.”
The wizard laughed. “I forgot to adjust the lens of your eyeglasses,” he said. “It’s been awhile since I’ve used this one.” He waved his hand over the paper and the words changed to English.
“The Path to Self-Knowledge,” I read aloud and looked further down the page.
What had appeared to be lines of gibberish at first now shaped themselves into the picture of a doorway that was slightly ajar. “How could this be a map to self-knowledge?” I asked. “Wouldn’t that be different for everyone?”
“And so it is,” he said. “See my map?”
He waved his hand over the page and, instead of a slightly ajar doorway, I saw a shelf with endless stacks of books. Then, he moved his hand again and returned the page to what I had initially seen.
“That is the way you must travel,” he said and carried the page to a blank wall between the shelves. Then, he stretched the parchment and hung it so a real door stood, set into the wall.
“Before you go,” he reached into his pocket. “I have a gift just for you.” He withdrew his hand and, in his palm, there sat the sapphire Hades had given me long ago, set into a silver ring.
“I return to you, the Stone of the Philosophers,” he said. “Whenever, on your path, you see things you don’t understand, gaze through this stone and you will easily find the heart of the matter.”
Merlin put the ring on my finger. “Thank you for returning Hades’ gift to me,” I said. “I didn’t even realize I had misplaced it.”
“I may have borrowed it without asking,” the ancient wizard said with a smile. “Since you didn’t even note its absence, no harm done. Farewell, Heidi, until we meet again.” Then, Merlin disappeared back into his library without another word.
I took a deep breath to steady myself and entered the doorway of the map. I found myself on a garden path with crushed white seashells beneath my feet. Roses lined the path on either side. “I’ve been here before,” I said and, when I looked ahead on the pathway, I beheld a beautiful lady standing at the end of the row.
“This is the Garden of Venus,” I said. I held the stone in front of my eyes, expecting Venus to change within the stone into something or someone else but she remained exactly the same as she appeared to my eyes.
“Hello, Heidi,” said the goddess. “Welcome back. Would you refresh yourself with me?” Venus settled on a low couch in the midst of the rose hedges and handed me a tea cup.
She poured hot water over a rosebud in my cup and it bloomed into fullness. I looked through my Philosopher’s Stone into the tea and saw, instead of a blooming rose, a spider at the bottom of my cup.
“I don’t think this drink is for me,” I said. “I do not drink spiders.”
“Sweet girl,” said Venus. “Look at my tea through your stone.” I looked into Love’s cup and beheld a gossamer rose. Then, when I held up the sapphire to my eyes and looked through it, the flower glittered as if it were made of diamonds and shone even brighter within the Philosopher’s Stone than without. I glanced back at my cup and still saw a spider.
“Why would you give me a spider, Venus?” I asked. “And keep the rose for yourself?”
“I gave you the same vintage that I drink,” said the goddess. “Why would you interpret love in your life as something that could harm you?”
I shuddered and put down the cup. “Because, I have been hurt by those I’ve loved and know many others in the same boat,” I replied. “Because they have used my openness with them to harm me and those I care about as well.”
Venus picked up my teacup and pressed it back into my hands. “Heidi, love can never be used in that manner,” she said. “What you are describing as love wasn’t love at all.”
The goddess touched my sapphire ring and wiped grime from its surface. “Perhaps you truly loved them but for whatever reason they could not return the gift in kind,” Love said.
A single tear fell from my eyes into my teacup and it changed my spider into a rose like the goddess’. I held up the Philosopher’s Stone ring, now touched by Love, and saw, glittering at the bottom of my drink, the sparkling diamonds of Venus herself.
“Come with me now,” said the goddess. “I want to help you heal any misunderstandings from your past.”
Together, Venus and I walked the paths of her garden. We came to a spot where an angry tree was made of stone and stood alone in a dying patch of earth. I hesitated.
“You don’t need to confront the angry oak again,” she said. “You already cleared that hurdle. I will hide you and resolve this matter myself.” She held up her cloak and I disappeared within its folds.
“Look through your stone, Heidi, and tell me what you see,” Love instructed.
I held up the sapphire to my eyes and saw, instead of a snarling tree, a stone statue of myself, teeth bared in anger. It was my personal Shadow.
“When your journey began, you were afraid of walking the paths of your mind because of what and who you thought you would find,” she said. “There was never anything here but yourself. Don’t you see?”
She walked over to the tree statue and placed her hands upon the Shadow. “Awake,” said Venus.
The stone tree melted and became my Shadow, no longer stone, but blinking with sleepy eyes. “Heidi trapped me in this garden,” she complained. “Why did she do that?”
Venus took Shadow’s hand. “Let’s not dwell over past events such as who turned who to stone,” said the goddess. “You are free to wander as you will, Shadow. However, before you go, I require your help.”
“For the boon of releasing me,” Shadow said. “I shall help you. Know, goddess, that it is not my will.”
Venus led Shadow to the hedge of the garden plot in which she had stood as a sentinel for so long.
“Do you see the roses here?” she asked. “The insects of apathy have struck them and I do not know how to protect them from ruin.”
My Shadow grinned and touched the stem of one of the roses with her left index finger. “A few well-placed thorns of conflict will scare the bugs of apathy away,” she said and proceeded to cover the hedges in thorns.
Venus clapped her hands in pleasure and moved with my Shadow further into her garden. I followed, still invisible within Love’s cloak.
“This fountain,” said the goddess, coming to another open space. “It runs so sluggishly that moss grows at the bottom in the water and the fish I have placed within always die. Do you know how I could fix this?”
Shadow ran her hands through the water of the fountain. “Passionate discourse could stir the subconscious settling of this fountain,” she said.
The water began to bubble, froth, and flow more swiftly. The moss disappeared and fish began to jump within the fountain’s waters.
“Just so,” said Venus, taking my Shadow’s hand. “You have been so very helpful to me. I would give you a reward, Shadow.” With those words, Love led my shadow self to another part of the garden- one I had not seen before.
Sleeping within his coffin in a rose-filled glade, there was the man made of light whom Shadow loved, her Animus. She gave a glad cry and rushed to his side.
Love waved her hand and the coffin lid opened. Shadow flung herself within the coffin and there was a flash of light. The glass lid shut itself and all was still once more in the Garden of Venus.
I gazed within the glass coffin and saw one figure. On the left, the being was my Shadow self, on the right, they were the man made of light- one being containing two natures.
“Venus, what have you done?” I asked. “Empowering Shadow seems like a very bad idea.”
“I have balanced your Shadow,” the goddess said. “And, if you will allow it, I will do the same for you.”
Venus led me to an adjacent glade to Shadow’s coffin. The new area had rose hedges as well and another sparkling fountain. Within this glade, there was a coffin made of shadow and starlight. Its lid was open and another man slept within.
“If I do this thing, this balancing of myself,” I said. “Will I lose who I am? Will I become someone that I don’t recognize or want to be around?”
“You will be more yourself,” said Venus. “But, it is your choice.”
“I am not afraid,” I said. “I will entrust my well-being to Love.”
The goddess kissed me on the forehead and helped me enter the coffin where I fell into darkness. Then, my feet touched solid rock and I was gazing out over the lake of fire in the underground cavern once more. Someone made of shadows was coming towards me over the surface of the lake, someone masculine and cold and inevitable as the sunset.
“Heidi…” he whispered. I held up the Philosopher’s Stone to my eyes and saw, instead of darkness, a being made of diamond light. “I have come for you,” he said. “For you are mine and mine alone.” The man of light reached the edge of the lake and held out his hand.
“I do not know you,” I said. “How can you be sure that I am yours?”
“Take my hand,” the being said. “I will show you all that I am and then you will know I speak true.”
“Michael said I would find my destiny and perhaps more within this space,” I said. “I will trust my angel to know the way forward even when I do not.” So saying, I took the spirit’s hand and together we walked onto the lake of fire.
The being of hidden diamond light and I reached the center of the lake and began to sink into the lava as one. His shadows surrounded me and I found myself falling through liquid stone. Though I should have been burned, I felt detached from my reality within the flames and terribly alone even though he was there the whole time, holding my hand.
“I am the Sword in the Darkness,” the spirit said. In my mind’s eye, I saw my guardian Michael keeping the monster named Doubt at bay within the courts of the Egyptian gods.
In another flash of vision, I saw myself pulling a sword from a stone. “I am every male entity who has ever spoken to you in your meditations,” he said. Then, in a series of memories like the blinking of an eye, I saw Merlin, the angry oak, Mars, Samson, and the many others I have encountered on my journeys into the Tree of Life.
“I speak to you but you do not know me,” he said. Then, I saw Venus and Mars embracing on a field of battle.
“Why can’t you lay down your defenses and know me?” he continued. “As Mars laid down his arms for Venus, I would do the same for you. I already have done the same for you through your Shadow. Don’t you understand, Heidi?”
The voice became an echo, the fires surrounding us faded, and all was shadows. Then, the being of hidden light and I were climbing a stone staircase overlooking a shining valley. We eventually came to my throne which gazed over the city of Shambhala- my shining, perfect city of the mind and spirit.
Across from us, within her own city space, Shadow and her man of light were climbing towards her throne. As the four of us reached the top of the stairs, we all turned and seated ourselves upon our respective stone thrones.
Shadow took the hand of her Animus of Light. I took the hand of my Animus of Shadows. Crowns appeared on our brows and, for a timeless moment, there was balance between the male and female, the shadow and light.
Then, I blinked and was sitting in a field full of wildflowers. My skin shone as if I were made of diamonds rather than flesh.
Sitting in the same field, only a stone’s throw away, there was a shining castle. I recognized the turrets and banners of the Castle of Skye.
“You brought it down from the clouds and now we can go there together whenever we want,” I heard a male voice say. I turned, and there was my man of former shadows. But now, in this peaceful place, light shone under his skin too, and he was blindingly bright to my eyes.
“You have done all of this, Heidi. Thank you,” he said simply. Then, Animus raised my hand to his lips and kissed the Philosopher’s Stone upon my fingers.
“How is this even possible?” I asked. “I saw the truth of your reality within the cavern’s flames and I believe you are who you say you are. Your reality is beyond my wildest dreams and I do not know how that happened.”
“You said it yourself once upon a time- Love conquers all things. That is how this was accomplished. Venus brought me to the Now moment,” he said. “She brought me here for you. In the Now, we can create with the perfect balance Love intended.”
He raised his left hand and gestured to the sky. I saw the sun was actually the pupil of the giant eye of the Now. The sun itself began to twirl and dance in that eternal movement it uses to communicate with the consciousness that exists within time.
“Love really does conquer all things,” I said and more tears fell from my eyes with the perfection of that stolen moment in time. Animus pulled me close to dry my tears and my vision ended.
The Light Congress 