Gate: Temperance
I stepped through the vision gate and saw a spirit in the form of a giant woman made of rainbow light floating high above the surface of the earth. The sky spirit was strumming her fingers over separate streams of light that presented themselves before her in the heavens. As her form touched the different hues of light, notes sounded from the streams as if she was plucking an enormous harp made of light, air and the energy that forms rainbows in the sky.
In addition to the music created by her interactions with the streams of energy, every motion of the giant’s fingers released a bubble of rainbow light like the unformed potential of the Formless, the servants of the Divine Mother from the void of creation. The giant, song, light, and bubbles were all tied together because they were one even though they appeared to be separate to my eyes and maintaining different forms.
“The Mother loves you and so do I,” whispered the air around the sky spirit and I remembered walking among the Formless in their mysterious realm. Despite this remembrance and as closely as I gazed at the giant, I did not recognize the spirit but I found myself wishing that I did so that I could sing her song too.
“Hello, Great One,” I yelled as loudly as I could, waving my arms above my head in the hopes that the sky spirit could see me as I was so far beneath her upon the ground. “I too carry a message of love throughout the worlds as I seek the mysteries of creation. Who are you? What is your true nature?”
In response, one of the sky spirit’s bubbles came towards me and enveloped me in its brilliant light. As the bubble moved me away from the giant of rainbows to take me further into the realm, the being smiled in my direction as if in recognition and waved a greeting to me.
“She favors you,” the bubble whispered as we traveled effortlessly above the difficult terrain that suddenly appeared beneath us.
“Sounds and looks to me like she favors everybody unconditionally, Bubble,” I said. “How lucky am I to have glimpsed someone like that. Sometimes it feels like unconditional love is one of the rarest virtues in existence.”
The bubble remained silent after my comment and we rose higher through the air, eventually breaking through the clouds into what felt like a new space. The bubble from the sky spirit placed me gently upon the clouds and popped, joining the mist and light as the sun shone brightly from above and I began to explore the new world in which I found myself. After a short walk, I discovered a tall and relatively unshaped stone plinth standing among the clouds.
From this stone base, a sword of shining metal jutted upwards into the sky high above. Set in the hilt, a black gemstone containing a living shadow shone and I recognized the archangel Michael’s sword.
“Michael? Are you here?” I said and looked around the clouds for my guardian and guide.
“What is a sword, Heidi?” I heard in response and Michael appeared beside me, gazing contemplatively towards the sword in the stone of the sky.
“It’s nice to see you again too,” I said, teasing the angel because of his singular focus. “A sword is a tool. One that can be used for protection of self or the defense of others.”
“Who determines how a sword is used?” asked Michael, never removing his gaze from the weapon.
“The bearer of the sword determines its use,” I said. “Or the one who directs the bearer.”
“Can we trust you?” Michael asked as a legion of angelic knights in armor suddenly appeared behind him. The angel turned his focus from the sword for the first time to turn his unmasking gaze upon me. “Are you of the light or shadow, Heidi? We must know.”
“Why do you ask, Michael?” I said. “You have never required any information about me beyond my name to walk beside me before. Does it matter?”
“The protectors and defenders of the inner worlds must know your essential nature,” said Michael. “Can we trust you to lead and defend us when required? We follow only one who walks in the light. If you are shadow only and delight in their ways, this is where our paths must diverge.”
“I take no delight in war or the eternal struggle with the shadow,” I said. “But I can be trusted in the defense of the innocent absolutely. I seek to be one who helps alleviate suffering rather than creating more though I am sometimes more successful at this than other times. I am not perfect, but I love you and all those who walk beside me upon the paths. I serve Love and the Creator of All with all my being, this I do swear.”
“Then take up your sword which was mine own,” said Michael. “And rule this legion for it is yours. We give ourselves over to you in the name of the one who set the stars in motion.”
“I do not desire dominion over any in creation,” I said. “Even as exalted a legion as this. No one knows the true nature and will of the Creator of All, even I though I have looked for this knowledge as far and carefully as any alive today.”
“That is why it must be you, Heidi. Embody my courage. Be brave and lead an army of heaven in the name of Love,” said Michael as the knights knelt as one being rather than separate spirits. As I still tried to refuse the honor being bestowed upon me, they changed in my sight to a herd of elephants, kneeling upon the clouds with their trunks raised and waving in unison.
“I cannot do this,” I said. “I will not do this and you cannot make me.”
“Serve,” Michael whispered into my ear. “If you are truly a Servant of Love, you must serve.”
“Lord above, what do I do?” I asked the skies. “Lead me, Creator of All. Reveal to me your will in the name of Love.”
Suddenly, my vision expanded and beyond the elephant army, also upon the clouds, I saw my Shadow pulling a sword from a plinth of darkness. “I will not serve,” she said defiantly. “I will NOT serve!” Like me, she was surrounded by a legion of elephants but they were all made of shadows just like her. She raised her sword and it was aflame with her anger and hate. “God is not Love. I will not serve.”
“Creator God save me, I have no choice,” I said. “Shadow has walked this path before me and I must answer for she is my Shadow and her actions are ultimately my own. I will serve in the name of unconditional Love.” Gathering my courage, I climbed steps that appeared upon the clouds which took me close enough to the sword that I was able to put my hand to the hilt. In one smooth motion, I pulled the weapon from the rock in the sky. I held it aloft as it glowed with rainbow light, my unconditional love and acceptance for all creation made manifest into a weapon of the armies of light.
“I will serve but I do not know how,” I said to the legion before me. “I’ve experienced this before, the eternal struggle with the shadow and witnessed the birth of Metatron and Sandalphon in the time before. Maybe this is merely an echo of their genesis. Maybe this anointing isn’t real.”
“It is as real as anything inside of time, Heidi,” Michael said. “What did you do at what has been called ‘Lucifer’s Fall’?”
“I fell to my knees and wept,” I said. “Though I loved the legions of heaven and our peerless leader as well as my own family, calling them brothers and sisters, I could not follow them to war in the shadow realm. I cried my heart out because my loved ones were entering an existence where I couldn’t follow. Then, the second time I witnessed the Fall, it felt like an epic mistake that I had seen before and I wept at my inability to tell them so before the exact same decision was made and history repeated itself.”
“What did your Shadow do at the Fall? Both times?” the angel said, taking my hand in his as I felt tears building in my eyes at the memory.
“I do not know, Michael,” I said. “Maybe she wept too.”
“I think you just saw her response,” Michael said. “She served the Great Shadow while you did not serve in the armies of light, twice. Why did you not follow the servants of God into the shadow realm? You were given a second chance to make the right decision, don’t you know how rare that is?” Rather than awaiting my answer, he waved his hand and at the angel’s summons, a tao formed, spinning in the air. The light and the darkness circled each other as they had the day I died upon the rainbow bridge, injured by Shadow’s sword. “See how the light and the dark balance each other in all things in a spinning, timeless dance? You must bring balance to your own shadow, which means war because she has declared war against you. The legions of light walk beside you, what are you afraid of?”
“I see the innate perfection and balance in the patterns of creation and war as a huge cause of suffering within it,” I said. “I exercised my free will both times to prevent further suffering through my participation in the Eternal War and chose to remain in heaven, separated from the legions. My heart tells me there has to be another way to answer the depredations of the shadow. I can’t believe this is the path chosen for me by the Creator of All, one of war and the cycle of endless suffering. Michael, do you remember how at the death bed of a star I embraced Time and then found a space outside of this dance and struggle? Couldn’t we move beyond the war of light and shadow into something entirely new, a different way of being a Servant of Love? Aren’t all things possible with God?”
“We do not have time to argue the finer points of philosophy because your Shadow comes with her host even now to challenge you for the rule of the Inner Realms,” Michael said. “If you will not lead us because of your abhorrence for the cycle of suffering and unwillingness to go to war, won’t you at least allow us to defend ourselves? Send me in your place. I will lead the armies of heaven and force the unrighteous and evil ones back into the void where they belong.”
“But Time is our friend and the Divine Mother’s servants are in the void,” I said. “I have walked there and I know who is there, shadows as well as light. Within the void, they make choices by their own free will rather than acting as the angels of heaven like yourself who must fulfill the will of God because they are not given the choice to do otherwise. In the fight against the shadows from the void, it is as if you are fighting yourself because you are responsible for your own choices.”
Michael took a step back from me. “Who is like God in the void of creation?” he said. “All the servants of the shadow understand is suffering, all they cause is suffering, and that is all they can or will ever understand. I will serve the light against this evil. You promised to do so as well. Keep your promise and serve as I do.”
“The Divine Mother is not shadow, but void which is not inherently evil. Even if she was, there is nothing in existence that is outside of the dominion of the Creator of All even the void. The spirit can be eternal and perfect in the void outside of creation, though the forms the spirits take may demonstrate imperfection because the body is subject to Time within creation and all of the ills that may come with it,” I said. “We do not walk in a world of form right now, but spirit, therefore suffering caused by a shadow even my own who leads the shadow of this legion is an illusion if a persistent one.” Michael frowned at my words but continued to listen all the same. “I see my words do not convince you, Warrior of Light. Let’s see if I can show you in another way.”
I drew my sword across the palm of my hand. For a moment, there was a cut that flowed with bright red blood. But then, the wound healed itself. “Don’t you see, Michael? We are in a world of spirit,” I said. “Injuries here are an illusion. Suffering in the skies of heaven is a trick of the shadow realm which has a stronghold in the void, this is true, but it is not eternal nor caused by all servants of the Mother. I can fight against my Shadow again and again as the Warriors of Light have always done before or we can try something different in light of the hidden mysteries that I have lived and seen with my own eyes. Please consider my words and understand their meaning, I beg you.”
The angel gazed at the swiftly approaching shadow legion, at my healed hand, and back again. “You have delivered your message at last, Servant of Love,” he said. “We will wage this war in the manner you think best. What do you want to do?”
“When I consider my past failures in the Eternal War, I think time has been a major factor in all of them. Therefore we will seek the kingdom of the Timeless which is beyond the realm of the Formless deep within the void,” I declared. “Perhaps there, we may find deeper insights into the will and true nature of the Creator of All as well as new allies in the Eternal War.”
“Lead the way, Heidi,” Michael said. “This is a new path and one that the legion and I have not walked before in service to the Light of the Creator. We need you to show us the way.”
I raised my sword in the face of the shadow host that was racing towards me and the legion of angels who stood with me. Then, I brought it down in a sweeping motion and cut the air between the two armies. A deep gash opened in reality. I used this new cut as a doorway and passed through to someplace new, seeking a realm beyond form, time, and conditional love. I threw myself through the door, praying the legion would follow and we would discover a new path and way forward, one that had not been attempted before.
My vision dissolved into darkness for a time. When I could perceive my surroundings again, Michael and I now stood in a temple made of stone where three walls came together to form an alcove.
On one wall, there was a face in the shape of a moon. From the mouth of this moon, a stream of water flowed. Opposite of the moon fountain, there was a face in the shape of the sun. From the mouth of the sun, there also flowed a stream of clear water. I knew somehow that this water was as cold as the ice on top of a mountain though it came from a form shaped like the sun.
On the final wall, the largest stream of all flowed from a plain circle set between the moon and sun. These three streams of water combined on their way down from the wall into one huge, common basin which was sunk deeply into the floor like an immense swimming pool.
“Welcome, wanderers,” said a spirit shaped like a woman dressed in plain white robes who appeared before the three fountains of the alcove. “Welcome to the Waters of Time. I am a Servant of Time and rejoice to meet you both at this place on the timeline of creation.” The spirit indicated the flowing fountains and its basin and began to instruct Michael and I in its mysteries.
“See on the left,” she gestured to the wall containing the moon stream of water. “There flows the Time of the ruling powers of chaos, the shadow and the night. And on the right,” the spirit pointed to the wall of the sun. “There flows the Time of the ruling powers of order, the light and the day.”
“The stream on the right is not representative of reality,” Michael said. “Light always triumphs over shadow. Why is the Light stream not more powerful than the Darkness?”
“Time does not discriminate between shadow and light,” said the servant of Time. “All ruling powers are given the same number of days, minutes, hours, and years to offer their service to the Creator of All.”
“We stand in a stronghold of the Great Nemesis,” Michael murmured for my ears only. “Beware the lies that flow from her mouth that could pull us from our path and righteous cause.”
“Maybe this is an ineffable mystery of the Creator of All and its meaning will only become clear through the passage of time. We serve the Light not the Shadow. You and I will not forget this truth for we will remind each other,” I said in an effort to calm my guardian. “And what does the unornamented circle represent?” I said louder for the Servant of Time’s ears.
“That is the stream of Now,” the priestess said. “The confluence of all in creation, even the streams of the Sun and Moon.”
Michael and I stood silent for an unmarked period of time, watching the water flow from the three streams and praying for understanding of its mysteries though I felt no particular inspiration in my mind and heart while I was observing the fountains of Time, just peace. “The Now is the largest flow of the three,” I said, breaking the silence. “Why is this so?”
“The Now forms the basis of reality as you know it and contains the past, present and future of all,” the priestess replied. “Very few look beyond the polarity of the Sun and Moon to find a state of being encompassing both and neither. But it exists all the same, inside and outside of Time’s dominion.”
The Servant of Time motioned Michael and I towards the basin. “Did you come to drink from the Waters of Time?” she said. “Those who walked into this sacred space before you have and most have found great benefit for their ruling powers from doing so.”
I looked at my angel and he looked back at me, an unspoken understanding passing between us even if neither of us grasped the true importance of the opportunity that was being presented to us in that moment. “No, Servant of Time,” I said. “We have not come to drink from the mixed streams of the three fountains. Michael and I have come to experience their emergence from the Creator of All.”
The Servant of Time’s mouth opened in mild surprise as I moved past her and climbed into the basin with its flowing waters. “But no one goes into the stream,” she said, reaching for my arm to draw me out again. “It is unnatural to the passage of Time and a great sacrilege to my god.”
Michael moved so that he was between me and the Servant of Time. “Your god is not like God. Go, Heidi,” he said. “Seek the genesis of the streams. I will ensure this guardian does not prevent your progress.”
Turning my back on Michael and Time’s disapproving servant, I saw myself growing smaller until I was a tiny molecule of water, then I entered the stream of water that flowed from the Now like a trout swimming against the current of a great river. I passed up this stream, through the wall with its plain circular opening, and into another world.
In this new space, I found myself floating alone in deep, dark waters which were familiar to me as somewhere in a void outside of creation but with the lack of light it was impossible to guess exactly where I was. I was pushed and pulled from one area to another because as a tiny molecule of water I lacked the strength to direct my own path. All the same, I looked and looked at the other molecules about me, trying to understand where and who I was in time.
As I tried to discover my location, something huge disturbed the depths below. The disturbance pushed upwards, shining with a light that was all his own and I saw an enormous elephant, swimming up from fathoms below. He came closer and nudged me with his head, encouraging me without words to borrow his strength to move through the space beyond time. The elephant’s touch turned me back into a woman and I found myself grateful for the return of my body and familiar size in creation.
I grabbed the elephant’s ears and found myself propelled along with him. Instead of four legs like the creatures I knew from my time on earth, this elephant had eight legs like a spider and he carried me effortlessly through the waters outside of Time. Together, we cut through the void like a knife on a path towards the unknown realms.
“Elephant, thank you for your help and guiding light,” I said. “I was floundering out here lost and alone for I don’t know how long. My name is Heidi and I am a Servant of Love. What is your name, Great One?”
“I am Ganesha,” the elephant replied. “I was told by a passing shadow that I would find someone in need of my strength in a place outside of time but I did not believe the one who delivered the message for he has lied to me in the past and I do not forget or forgive a transgression of that magnitude. However, I too have served Love in my time and, in honor of her, I came looking for you anyway, despite my unbelief and distrust in the messenger.”
“What a happy day it was for me when you made that choice, Lord Ganesha,” I responded. “I do not know you but I have heard of you. I owe you a boon for your service in lending me your strength this day. What would you ask of a Servant of Love?”
“I ask only that you know me and remember this moment outside of Time’s grasp,” said Ganesha. “And in the fullness of time back in the worlds that we both know, that I know and remember you too, Heidi.”
“If such a thing is possible and allowed by Love and the Creator of All,” I said. “It will be as you desire, Great One. Back in the worlds within Time’s sway, I will demonstrate to you the strength of my heart and offer you words of unconditional love which may have been unspoken to you before in the worlds of form. May they carry you forward through your time upon earth as you carried me through the water today and bring you comfort and peace in your own eternal struggle with the shadows of creation. This I will do, I swear it.”
Ganesha and I traveled on in silence until we finally broke the surface of the waters and found ourselves on a sandy, desert island that was littered with numerous swords like the one I had pulled from the pillar in the sky. Gems of various colors adorned the hilts of these swords within the mounds of discarded flotsam formed by the weapons, washed up from the depths of the waters outside of Time.
“See the swords of the Lost Ones outside of Time,” said Ganesha. “See how many have passed this way and forgotten their purpose, Heidi.”
“Forgotten their purpose?” I said.
Ganesha nodded. “These are the swords of the lost and forgotten,” he said. “I cannot tell you how many have passed this way but this island gives us a fair indication of the attempts. I wanted you to see the difficulty of the path that you have placed yourself on. It is not for the weak of heart.”
I moved upon the sands, touching first this sword and that. They were of a fine quality and craftsmanship, every single one. “This is distressing,” I said. “But I will not give up hope just because others have tried and failed to do what I wish to do. Great One, where are the swords of those who remembered their quest and succeeded?”
“They have taken their swords with them,” Ganesha said. “To a place outside of time, loss, or shadows. Again, I do not know how many have gone before you, but none have returned to speak their triumph to me so I fear they are lost to the Light.”
“I believe that all can succeed at this quest of self-realization and the demonstration of unconditional love in their life,” I said.
“This island says otherwise,” said Ganesha. He sat down on the swords with a crunch.
“All the seekers need,” I said, drawing my own sword which had miraculously come with me through my watery entrance to the island. “Is for someone to let a little bit of light in, to help remind them of the way. They need a Lightbringer, a Way Finder, a Path Breaker. I can serve the Creator of All in this matter.”
With those words, I cut another doorway into the air above the desert island as I had done once long ago above the clouds in the skies of heaven.
Within moments, the arm of a male warrior was reaching through the new doorway. His hand found the hilt of a sword of the Lost, he picked it up, and disappeared back into whatever reality he was reaching from.
Ganesha stood from his seat on the sand and approached the doorway. “What have you done, Heidi?” he said. “This is a new form of travel to my eyes.”
“I issued an open invitation with my heart to enter our reality, Lord Ganesha,” I said. “I find that love and the imagination can be used as tools to help make the worlds better for those around me. It can be scary because you do not know who is going to respond to your call, but I feel confident that with you here, the two of us could send any problematic shadows back to their nightmare worlds and welcome the warriors of light back to their stated paths.”
Ganesha looked at me in wonder as another disembodied arm reached through our door to the Island of the Lost, found a sword, and went back again. “Who are you really, Heidi?” he said. “Tell me and I will remember when we get back to the worlds as we swore to do. I will tell everyone what I have seen here today and about the power of unconditional love and the imagination though they may not believe me.”
“Please share your knowledge for the battlefields of Love on earth need all the warriors we can get. As for me, I am a Servant of Love and the Creator of All, Great One,” I said as I began to wander around the island, cutting more and more gates into the air, creating numerous passages for future seekers. “If I have an identity beyond that, I do not know what it is yet. When I discover it, you will be among the first I tell.”
“I will remember you said that, Heidi,” Ganesha said, stationing himself at a juncture of a handful of doors, watching the warriors of light recover their swords and sending a few shadows back through the gates when they tried to do the same.
Finally instead of just an arm, a spirit in the shape of a knight dressed in armor stumbled through one of the gates. As he gazed around in confusion, Ganesha changed form from an elephant into a mortal man and strode forward to greet this new occupant of the desert island. “Took you long enough,” Ganesha said, shaking the knight’s hand. “She and I have been hard at work here for who knows how long.”
“Do I know you?” the knight said. “You look so familiar to me.”
“Of course you know me,” Ganesha said good-naturedly. “As if you wouldn’t recognize one of your ancestral companions. How many wars have we fought together, Brother? Shake the passage through time from your heart and mind and you will remember me soon enough.”
“You look like one who stood in Michael’s legion to my eyes,” I said, sheathing my sword. “Welcome to a world beyond time, soldier. I’m sorry the passage was so difficult, I have never been here before either.” As the angel’s mind and memory slowly came back to him, he found a sword which bore his markings from the beach and picked it up with a renewed sense of purpose.
“Brother,” I said, taking the guardian’s hand as soon as he had recovered his sword. “I must move onwards to continue our great endeavor, but would you please guard and defend this place and continue to invite in the seekers and warriors of light from the other side? I would very much appreciate the help. They just need doorways and we must be aware of the shadows who sometimes follow in our footsteps.” I showed the angel how to open a gate in reality and he indicated he understood by cutting a doorway of his own.
“If anyone else comes through the gates fully as you and I did,” I said. “They will need some guidance while they recover their identities and memories. I know they can remember their true natures, if they are just given an opening to this realm and an opportunity for rest and reflection. We must offer them unconditional love in the name of the Creator of All. Tell the ones who follow that forgiveness is as real as failure.”
The warrior bowed, accepting the mantle of responsibility that I had offered him and I squeezed his hand in response. Then I found myself rising into the air above the island. It was still covered in swords and shields, but now it also had an angelic guardian, many doorways and paths to its hidden location, and a half dozen fewer lost causes upon it. “Please Lord of All,” I prayed as the island grew further from my sight. “Let your lost legions find this place. Please Creator, have mercy on all of us.”
Ganesha, who had been observing all on the island, changed back into an elephant and floated to stand in the skies beside me. “Thank you for letting in some light, Heidi,” he said, waving his trunk in farewell. “That particular knight is a very old friend of mine as I said and I will return occasionally to make sure he is stalwart in his mission and lend him my strength of heart and body to soldier on for as long as it takes to clear the island.”
“Thank you, Lord Ganesha, for moving me through the waters beyond time and for keeping the watch with this angel,” I said. “I did not have the strength to do it all on my own and would have been lost without you.”
The moment my gratitude to Ganesha left my lips, the air around me stirred as if moved by a fierce storm from the earth. Out of the blowing winds in the skies beyond time, a massive serpent moved underneath me and I found myself flying upon his back into another reality.
My sight blurred but when I could perceive my surroundings again, I found myself standing in a giant hourglass. Water dripped into a pool beneath my feet from a reservoir high above my head. The drip by itself was hypnotic and made concentric circles at the base of the hourglass.
Drip, drip, drip…
The moving circles of water below me lulled me into a stupor. Then, a bright light flashed from the water, reminding me of all that I had promised and my essential nature, one who had moved beyond Time’s grasp. I shook my head to clear it of Time’s fog and attempted to move through the wall of the hourglass. I was able to get most of my body out of the prison in time, but could not completely escape. I pulled fruitlessly for a while, but then decided to try a different approach to the situation in which I found myself.
I looked at where the drops of water were falling from the upper part of the hourglass and saw myself moving as a molecule of water upwards into the top portion. Once through the gauntlet, I kept flying and discovered that the massive structure didn’t have a lid so I levitated up through the waters of the hour glass and out, changing my form back into a woman as I did so.
In every direction that I gazed into, I beheld more hourglasses containing men, women, and children. Instead of trying to get out, they were fixated on the concentric rings made by the water dripping from above their heads. They stared down like zombies into the passing time and made no effort to free themselves.
I banged on the glass walls of some of the prisoners, but received no response. Then, I remembered what had awoken me from my long sleep in the hourglass and let some of the light from my heart shine upon the hourglasses around me. “May you feel the unconditional love of the Creator of All as I do,” I whispered. “Love conquers all things, even Time.”
After first, I noticed no change in the hourglasses around me. Then I saw a young woman who was looking through the glass, free of Time’s grasp and she could see me! I waved at her in my excitement to be seen at last. “Hello Sister!” I said. “Welcome to a world outside of Time!”
She acknowledged me with her own wave and called through the glass, “Sis, how did you get out? I want to be free of this prison too.”
“Go up and out, not through,” I said and gestured upwards. “Use your imagination and pretend to be water rather than a woman. Anything is possible if you believe it can be so.”
The woman moved beneath the dripping waters of her hourglass as I had suggested, but instead of moving up and through them, she again became fixated on their shadow-like movement. Soon, she was staring fixedly down into the water beneath her feet. “Sister!” I called through the glass, banging on it to get her attention again. “Sister, I’m here for you and will be with you as long as it takes, don’t give up!”
As I began to panic at my inability to help the woman, the air stirred beside me and a young man who had features so similar to the woman in the hourglass that I knew he must be a family member of hers appeared in my reality. “Be at peace, Heidi,” the young man said. “I will stand in your place as witness and guide as my beloved sister works to remember her true nature. I have all the time in the world whereas you must continue onwards for there are those who still need you to light the path ahead. I love this woman for she is my true sister of both spirit and physical reality, and love conquers all, even death. When she escapes, which she will for I will never stop sending the unconditional love from my heart to shine upon her hourglass, I will send her to you so that you may rejoice in each other’s presence again. I promise to do this for her but also you. She is not a Lost One anymore.”
“Thank God you came to help us, Brother,” I said. “I would not leave a sister behind but you are right, I have to continue onwards for the good of all. When she gets out, tell her I harbor only unconditional love for her in my heart, no matter what the shadows beneath her feet whispered to her during her imprisonment. Forgiveness is as real as failure and I am as imperfect as any in creation. I hope she will listen to you and forgive me for any suffering I may have caused her during our brief time together.”
The young man hugged me once and waved his hands at me to encourage me on my way. “I have this entirely in hand, Sis,” he said. “Go and be a Servant of Love as you were born to be and I will do the same. Amor omnia vincit.”
“Amor omnia vincit,” I said in reply. Then with hope reignited in my heart, I moved away from the woman and her brother and began flying above the endless fields of hourglasses. As I did so, I heard the ticking sound of an enormous clock, marking time.
“I hope I’m not taking too long on this journey,” I said, beginning to fret as I could hear Time passing me by. “Please God don’t let me be too late again.”
Before I could lose myself to panic, I saw someone made out of the arms of a clock moving amongst the time pieces among the field far below. He was a titan compared to the tallest hourglasses and hummed to himself as he shifted the pieces here and there, making a beautiful symmetry out of their otherwise random arrangement on the ground.
“Hello, Giant of Time!” I called and flew closer to the titan. “My name is Heidi and I’m a Servant of Love. I’ve come to this place seeking your true nature.”
“What happened to your containment unit?” said the giant, turning his clockwork face in my direction. “Don’t worry, little Servant of Love. I can make you another one.”
“But I don’t want another prison,” I said. “I want to move through the worlds outside of Time’s grasp and limitations and find a new way to fight my Shadow using unconditional love.”
“Is that so?” said the giant. “Well, if you promise to not cause any trouble then I suppose such a thing could be allowed.” Then the hourglass field’s guardian reached up with a huge stick-like hand, pulled me from the air and began to carry me through the field.
“Giant, where are you taking me?” I said, squirming against the guardian’s fingers. “I can fly beside you, there’s no need to hold me in place like an errant sprite.”
“My brothers must see you,” he hummed. His eyebrows, made of clock arms like the rest of him, spun in circles. “So few escape the clutches of the time. If I let you go, you’ll be swept away from me and they’d never believe I found a Servant of Love in the fields yet to be patterned.”
“Speaking of your fields, we must let them out,” I said, indicating the trapped people about us. “The unconditional love in my heart for all creation demands that I try to free them. Do you know a way?”
The titan paused. “My brothers and I could release them at any time,” he said. “But could they release themselves?” He waved his clockwork fingers over the fields and all of the hourglasses vanished, leaving only the dripping waters and mesmerized people behind.
“See, little Servant of Love? They are free to wander as they will,” he said. “But they are caught in the observance of time as were their fathers and then their fathers before them.” The guardian waved his hands again and the hourglasses returned. “My brothers and I formed the timepieces to keep them in comfort and safety, not contain them.”
“And how’s that been working out for you?” I asked. “For your forms, though you say you designed them for another purpose, have in actuality become tiny prisons. I can’t imagine that this is the best solution to manage the fields of Time. Why don’t you use your imaginations and come up with something better?”
“How do you know the hourglass occupants are unhappy? No one has ever complained to me before,” the titan said. “What solution would you suggest?”
“I have no idea how to improve this mess,” I said after a moment’s consideration. “But I believe I will know it when I feel it, Love has never steered me wrong. As for vouching for their unhappiness, I was once one of them and I know exactly how excruciating it is to feel trapped in time.”
“My brothers and I will have much to discuss when you depart our doorstep,” the giant said. “For now, I suggest you relax and let me carry you through the fields. I was very far from my home, tending and patterning the time pieces that all agreed were hopeless.”
“You brought hope to the hopeless,” I said, making myself as comfortable in the giant’s fist as I could. “You are a Servant of Love and the Creator of All as much as I.”
“Silly little sprite,” said the titan and we continued onwards in silence.
After journeying together through the hourglass fields for some time, we reached a spot containing piles of old cuckoo clocks. The clocks were all out of sync with one another and chimed randomly forming a cacophony of sound. Giants formed of clock hands were moving among the broken pieces, reaching down to pluck springs and sprockets from the piles.
My guide and new friend placed me down in the center of this space and began emitting the sound of a cuckoo clock himself, adding to the noise of the region. I covered my ears as his voice called the other giants to him and they began speaking to each other in a language so ancient and arcane that it sounded like noise and nonsense to my ears. While I protected my hearing, I gazed about me and discovered a staircase leading down into the ground. A light came from below and lit the steps downwards.
“Excuse me, excuse me, Giant!” I yelled over the roar of the cuckoo clocks. “What’s down there?”
By some small miracle, the giant heard me. “Timelessness and shadows, little Servant of Love,” said the titan. “Explore if you want to. I’m sharing your unique viewpoint with my brothers. This could take some time and our mode of communication seems to cause you some pain.”
“Just do your best, that’s all I ever ask of anyone I meet,” I said. “Thank you for transporting me out of Time’s fields.” Waving in farewell, I went down the steps. As I went underground, the sound from the giant’s chiming cuckoo clock language faded and there was peaceful silence once more.
“Thank goodness for that,” I said, removing my hands from my ears. “If I ever visit those guardians again, I’m bringing ear plugs.”
A light pulsed and shined in the new space in which I found myself. Then a voice cried out to me from the shadows. “Heidi…Heidi,” said the voice. “Where are you now?”
“I am here in a world outside of Time,” I said. “Who are you? Did you follow me from another world?”
“I am you,” said the voice from the center of the light. “The portion of you and your shadow that resides outside of time.”
“Of course she followed me here too,” I said, rubbing my eyes tiredly. “She makes me so mad. Does my shadow have a purpose?”
“Light and shadow together move through the dance of reality and Now even in the worlds outside of Time,” said the light. “Shadow’s purpose is to balance the light. Light’s purpose is to balance the shadow. They are tied together for all time within and without of time and space.”
“Is there a way to free myself of the shadow forever?” I asked. “Any way at all?”
“If you brought her to this place and bound her in one of the giant’s hourglasses,” said the light. “She would never be able to return to time. But then, you would not receive the benefit of her viewpoint of your reality.”
I sighed and sat down in the darkness. “Then I suppose Shadow will remain wherever she may be at this point in time,” I said. “And so will I. Because she won’t stop harassing me and causing chaos. But I’m not the only one with this issue, I think it’s a universal problem of humanity.”
As I sat conversing with the light, I found myself relaxing in that dark and shadowy place. After our words ran out, we stayed together for a time without speaking, just breathing into the stillness.
“May I speak to my grandfather?” I asked at last, breaking the silence. “I’m tired of talking to myself. I want to be with my family.”
“Heidi,” my dad’s father’s voice came from the light. He stepped through it, as if through a doorway into my new reality. “Do not be lonely. I am here with you now.”
I hugged him in joy. “You have been gone for almost two years as they mark time on earth,” I said. “Have you learned anything about the mysteries of creation beyond death?”
“That long already?” my grandfather said and smiled. “To me, it felt like the blink of an eye. There is so much out here, an infinity of worlds to experience and explore. I will need much longer than two years to begin to find my place within it.”
“I have learned something about the worlds beyond death, if you yet value my wisdom,” a new voice said and my other grandpa, my mother’s father, stepped from the shadows into the light.
“Grandpa Backus!” I said and hugged him as well. “I never got the chance to know you as well as my other grandfather because time took you away too soon and for that I am sorry,” I said. “We cannot turn back time but I wish we could. If we could do such a thing, I would spend more time with you, amend my greatest mistakes and make it so they never happened in the first place.”
He hugged me back. “Beyond life, there is no room for mourning lost time and long ago mistakes held frozen in memory,” he said reassuringly. “I did not give any of that from my life a second thought, I promise. I hope you don’t either.”
“Our family and I still miss you and love you very much. You have been gone for more than eleven years,” I said. “What is it that you have learned in the worlds outside of Time’s grasp?”
Mother’s father took my hand. “If the time passing since your other grandfather’s death was to him like the blink of an eye, then to me was like the inhalation of two deep breaths,” he said.
“My reality now is as Fred described,” Grandpa Backus continued. “The world beyond the living is so vast, so much bigger than imagination can shape it.” Mother’s father gestured beyond us and I saw infinity reflected through stars in a space that went on and on. “It is eternal and timeless. But, I have learned and I wanted you to know you can embrace this quality in life right now.”
“You can bring it from outside of time and live it wherever on your timeline you find yourself at the moment,” he said. “Remind yourself always that you and everyone in existence are so much more than what you imagine that you are. You and the worlds you know are so much more. It’s indescribable really, something that must be experienced to truly understand.”
My vision expanded as my grandfather spoke of the mysteries beyond time and I saw that I had a grandfather of my family keeping the time on either side of me now, holding my hand and guiding me on a path through the ineffable towards the known. As a trio, we faced outwards into the infinity of space outside of time.
“You are eternity,” my mother’s father said. The word went forth from his lips and began to echo in the endless space among the stars. “Eternity, eternity, eternity…” And from the farthest reaches I heard my own voice echo in reply: “Infinity.”
“You are boundless,” my father’s father said. The word went from his lips as well, echoing into space. “Free,” came my own voice in reply.
“I am here,” I said. Within moments my voice came echoing back to me, “Now.” The power of the word hit me like a wave of energy directly into my heart and I lost my hold on my grandfathers’ hands and was sent flying out into the space of the worlds beyond time.
When I could perceive my surroundings again, I found myself tumbling out of the wall of Now back into the Temple of Time’s Three Fountains where I followed the flow of water into the basin containing the springs of Now, Day, and Night. Michael took my hand to help me out of the basin and I was dripping with water of the timeless ones. Some of the droplets hit my Shadow who reappeared in the pool with me. She ran from the temple as I cleared the water from my eyes.
“How long was I gone, Michael?” I said. “Please tell me I’m not too late.”
“It felt like only moments to me, but we best hurry,” the angel said. “Your Shadow is so fast, I’m sure she’s with her legion even now.”
Hand in hand, Michael and I ran out of the temple towards the doorway I had left behind in reality. We stepped through the rent I had cut with my sword just in time to see the last of the legion of light step out of the skies to follow me into the timeless realm. My Shadow with her own flaming sword and her horde of shadow elephants still raced towards Michael and I across the clouds just as they had before.
Somehow, even though she had traveled with me, Shadow was also here in the present moment, waiting for me to return. Since her shadow legion had remained in time, her soldiers were well prepared, rested, and organized to act in their strongest capacity. I could see the triumphant smile on her face as she led her overwhelming forces across the clouds in a daring attack to eliminate Michael and I from the Eternal War.
My angel had given me his weapon so his hands were empty as he bravely placed himself before me where he would fall first to the shadow. “It was an honor serving at your side, Heidi,” he said. “I give my time left on earth unto God and may He have mercy upon me as I join my brothers among the fallen.”
“Love please don’t allow this to happen. Creator of All, show us your power,” I prayed when a sudden inspiration struck my spirit like a lightning bolt out of the blue. I reached out with my cold, wet hands, still dripping with the waters from the Temple of Time’s Fountains and moved them before me, imagining that I was merely sweeping water across a pane of glass and not performing a peaceful martial art in the form of a dance in the face of an approaching army.
Beneath my hands and boundless imagination, the warrior shadow legion smeared, losing their defined edges and forms, and began to flow like watercolor paint on a palette. In a sudden panic, the warriors behind the front line broke ranks and turned to flee. In their flight, they too lost their forms and broke into multi-colored light like a beautiful, flowing rainbow of living hues. The shadow, no matter how powerful or numerous, could not conquer the illusion-breaking presence of one who had experienced the timeless.
As I kept dancing, the lights from the disintegration of Shadow’s legion began to emit sounds and bubbles like a song, contained in the movement of light and shadow. I could not pull my eyes away from their beauty as I continued to dance silently in a mysterious way that I had learned in a world outside of time, witnessing the end of the shadow’s power over my spirit.
Unarmed before his enemies but still filled with courage and faith in the goodness of God, the archangel Michael began to mimic my motions, standing before my own hideous Shadow who had moved faster than her shadow legion and was preparing to strike the angel down with her sword made of anger and hate. His dance broke her form apart as well, changing her into a harmless bubble like the rest of the shadows and sending her floating harmlessly away from us both, back towards whatever nightmare realm she had emerged from.
As if in a trance, I continued moving my hands over the rainbows formed from the shadow legion, making a music that had not been heard before in the worlds beneath Time’s sway. Gazing down upon the earth, I saw myself as I was before, passing through the vision gate into the space in which I found myself.
I saw myself as I was then, waving to get the attention of myself as I am now, and realized I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore. I smiled at the seeker and Servant of Love within time in encouragement, making living and life-changing music from the light and shadow for her to see and to remember that she is more than the shadows of her own heart and ashes of Love’s battlefields allowed her to believe.
“Keep dancing and banishing the shadow, Heidi,” Michael said, startling me a little from my reverie. “I will guide you forward to the present moment, Servant of Love, have no fear on that account.”
Changing his form into one of the music and rainbow bubbles to appear like a reformed shadow rather than a warrior of light, the angel went towards the previous me and scooped her up to begin a journey that would change her vision of what was possible in the Eternal War. I waved farewell at my previous self and her guardian angel as I flew away to continue realizing a dream of non-violent resistance from the timeless realm, brought forth into reality through the imagination and the power of unconditional love from the Creator of All.
There my vision faded.
The Light Congress 