Gate: Ace of Cups
I entered the vision gate and stars were falling from the sky. I caught one as it fell and the twinkling ball of energy turned into a crying baby in my hands and then back to a shining star. I released the star to the ground and watched as the sky fell to the earth and everything turned the color of ash.
When all the stars had vanished from the firmament, the earth gave a tremendous heave and an obsidian statue of a man began to rise from the ground. It grew until it towered above me and I stood in the statue’s shadow at the end of the worlds.
“I require a guide for the stars have stopped shining for me,” I said, gazing up at the memorialized face of someone I didn’t recognize. “Are there any left who can guide me through the shadows? I am still awake and aware and have not yet discovered my true nature.”
From out of the darkness at the end of all things, Badger appeared and ran to my side. “My dearest friend, you made it here too,” I said and embraced him. “Where are we going today?”
“To a place out of time,” he said. “Are you ready, Heidi? This may be an awfully big adventure.”
“I am as ready as I will ever be,” I said. “In some ways, it feels like I was born for this very moment.” Side by side, Badger and I approached the giant statue beneath the starless sky. A doorway appeared within the pedestal below the carven feet and we passed through into another world.
Once we cleared the doorway, I saw we stood upon a plain and scores of creatures of the earth were running past us. The panicking crowds of Nature’s children consisted of all manner of animals like deer, bear, lions, foxes, animals that came out of dreams like dragons and unicorns, and ancient, extinct animals that I have never seen walk upon the earth, the dinosaurs from before the dominion of man. Rabbits hopped around turtles who stoically pushed themselves along though they lagged behind the rest. Here came the domesticated creatures such as horses, cows, goats, and pigs. Among them were the predators, the wolves ran with the mountain lions while hovering insects like ladybugs, bees, beetles and biting flies moved in clouds throughout the fleeing host. The birds of the air darkened the cloudy skies along with the monsters from the time before with their webbed wings and sharp claws out of nightmare.
Every creature ever born upon the earth were all running as if their lives depended upon it, but from what I could not discern. Badger grabbed my hand and began to run too.
“I cannot keep up with the rest of creation on two legs in this man form. Join with me as I embody my animal self,” he said. “I will keep you safe from whatever comes.” I moved through the connection in our hands as he shifted into his primal Badger self and became one with his consciousness as we joined the race of terror.
I was gazing through Badger’s eyes as we looked over our furry shoulder and saw a wall of darkness behind the fleeing animals and it came ever closer. I felt a wave of fear move through us as Badger placed himself next to the largest deer I have ever seen with antlers like tree limbs. “Friend Stag, what comes from the living void?” we said.
“The darkness, the devourer, the evil one,” he replied. “This is the end of all things. I am honored to die next to you, Friend Badger.” Hysteria moved through the crowd of animals at the Stag’s words and we raced even faster, driven as fiercely onwards by our fear as if the darkness wielded a whip over our heads.
We ran on and on until finally, I felt everyone’s strength coming to an end so, wordlessly, we gathered together on a high hill top, turning to make our last stand against the darkness. All of the animals moved closely together, arraying themselves like an army as the predators stood with the prey, the birds came from the skies to stand among the earth bound and all turned their faces towards the approaching shadow as I continued to gaze out of Badger’s eyes as if they were my own.
The wall of living darkness came unstoppably to our hilltop and divided itself into a crowd of shouting, angry humans made of shadow. They waved weapons at us forged of metal that were far sharper than our claws and teeth. The domesticated creatures shut their eyes against the shining weapons. “They will chain us all,” they whispered in despair. “Let us die rather than return to that.”
“Don’t be afraid,” Badger and I whispered to the creatures nearest us. “We of the free world within time stand with you. There will be no chains today.”
“You will see,” cried a mighty stallion. “Our children’s children will feed their war machines and carry them to their endless struggles between their kings. The horses know this is so. We lived this nightmare before.”
“They will cut off our tusks,” said an elephant. “For decorative purposes, leaving us defenseless against our enemies.”
“Let them try,” said a serpent. “The future is not promised, even for the two legs. The snakes have developed sophisticated poisons. Let them try to chain or cut us to pieces and we will take their children from them in the night with our fangs.”
“How about nobody kills anybody until we figure out what they want,” Badger and I whispered. “Who are they? Maybe they have words and can speak their true nature as we do among ourselves.”
One enormous shadow separated himself from the armies of darkness and moved forward until he stood before Nature’s army. He wore a crown on his head and dripped with darkness. Blood fell from his eyes like tears and I knew somehow that Death followed in his footsteps.
“Badger, do we know this shadow?” I said. “I feel like I do but I can’t remember from where or when.”
“Sshhhhhh,” Badger whispered back. “I can’t hide you if you insist on speaking. They will hear you and take you from us with their superior weapons.” I held my peace to observe the one who stood before the hilltop in silence with the rest of creation.
“Creatures of the Earth,” the Shadow King called, his voice reaching every animal’s ears. “We are many and you are few. We have dominion over you until the end of time. Your young shall feed our children and your bodies shall clothe our flesh. Present yourselves unto me and kneel in acknowledgement of my power and I will give you your true names and designations in creation. Resist and you will die here today at our hands and every day thereafter until the stars cease their motion in the sky.”
The animals wailed in fear and cowered closer together. The largest bear I have ever seen came from among our ranks. “If we submit ourselves unto you,” said Bear. “Do you swear upon your human heart that you will spare our cubs? If our kind and yours can live side-by-side in peace, the bears will bow to your strength and sleep the cold winters away rather than consuming your flesh to satiate our great hunger.”
“There will be no promises between a god walking the earth and a beast of the forests and fields,” the Shadow King said, raising his sharp knife. “You will submit for that is what you were born to do.” He struck out against the Bear and, faster than I could follow, cut the Bear’s throat and gave an imperious gesture. “Strip his corpse and give his fur to our mother,” the king said. “This foolish creature no longer needs it.”
As Nature’s army upon the hill top closed ranks in horrified silence and solidarity, I felt a quiet anger beginning to rise in my heart at the animals’ treatment at the hands of this monstrous king. “This is no god, Badger, if he has a mother who suffers from the cold,” I whispered. “Gods are not born as you and I; they are not and then they are. If anything, we are all children of the Creator of All including those who walk on two legs, four legs and more. I must go speak to this shadow and help him understand his true nature. All of the creatures of the earth deserve space to live in this world and dignity and honor in their deaths. I will not stand idly by and watch as he bullies our friends into submission, hierarchies and chains.”
“Heidi, don’t go. He will consume you,” Badger replied in distress. “Didn’t you see what he did to Bear? You don’t have Bear’s strength or speed and he was slain in moments. Resistance is madness.”
“Then I am mad,” I said. “For I am not afraid. I am angry and Bear’s murder cannot go unanswered. May the ruling powers of this world witness what comes next and judge me at the end of all things according to my intentions.” I removed my consciousness from Badger’s form and rose from him, taking the form of my waking world woman’s body except it was made of light rather than flesh. A pelt of badger fur covered my nakedness, a symbol of human civilization which I hoped the pitiless Shadow King would not miss with his bleeding eyes.
“Greetings unto you, Great One of the world and leader of the warriors of men,” I said as I moved to the front of Nature’s army. “Who are you and why do you threaten the innocent creatures of the earth? You do not know what you do. We are your greatest allies in creation.”
“You look delicious, Sow,” whispered the Shadow King. “Rarely have I beheld a light like yours. I am consumption and I am your doom. You were born to satiate my hunger.” He raised his dark knife above his head as he had with Bear and drove it into my body. I saw light spill from me onto the ground and the shadow reached greedy hands into it and ate. Then, he looked up and saw that I was still whole so he drove his knife into me again. Again, light spilled from my form and he ate. Once more, he looked up and beheld I still glowed with the light I had brought with me from my waking world so he drove his knife into my chest and removed my heart. He consumed that, yet I was still standing, studying him with my curious and increasingly impatient eyes.
“Have you had your fill?” I asked. “If you’re done eating my light, Consumption, I would really like to speak with you. You should not have killed Bear who only desired to live in this world with you and yours in peace. I have not interacted with him specifically but Badger knows all the woodland creatures and he thinks Bear was a fair if ever-hungry member of Nature’s family. Fiercely protective of his young, of course, as are we all.”
“How do you still exist?” the Shadow King said. “I ate your heart. All saw me do it, yet there you stand, Badger Woman, talking nonsense.” He drew the shouting, angry crowd of human shadows into himself and became one large, dense cloud of darkness.
“That’s not polite, to say someone is speaking nonsense when they’re earnestly trying to avoid a world-ending conflict and further needless deaths,” I said. “Who are you that you don’t understand the very basics of diplomacy? You don’t begin negotiations with murder. Your mother didn’t teach you anything at all. Who are you?” Nature’s army behind me began to remember their voices and one animal after another began to repeat my question.
“Who are you?” chittered the birds.
“Who are you?” growled the wolves, bearing their fangs at the darkness.
“Who are you?” the lion roared and all became still as we awaited the Shadow King’s answer.
“I am you,” said the Shadow King and he changed into me, a dark, shadow-wrapped version of me with fire for eyes and dripping with oily, liquid darkness. Rather than a badger pelt, the shadow wore nothing at all and I turned my eyes from the sight of myself without any trappings of civilization whatsoever.
“It’s Mother,” the creatures of the earth began to murmur behind me. “It’s Mother. Why did she kill Bear?”
“That’s not Mother. The Shadow King is playing with our eyes but we will not be deceived by his lies. That is Heidi,” Badger said to all around him. Then for my ears alone he sent a further message. “Don’t be embarrassed, Heidi,” Badger whispered in my mind. “We of Nature’s children do not mind appearing in our natural state. He seeks to demean you by stripping away your veils of humanity and making you appear as an uncivilized creature like us. The kings of the earth don’t expect much of the females among them besides displaying their bodies for all to see.”
“I’m beyond embarrassment, Badger,” I sent back through our connection. “I am infuriated by his efforts to objectify me. He has no idea whom he’s dealing with. We’ll show him; I will play this game by his rules. Forgive me for what I do next.” Using my imagination, I changed my form so that I appeared as Badger did when he was a man, but I removed his clothing as well and stood as naked as the Shadow King was depicting me. As I did so, I sent my form to Badger so he appeared as me back among the ranks of Nature’s army. The animals gave a brief demonstration of surprise at our changed appearances, but quickly settled again to observe the coming confrontation.
The Shadow King laughed within my shadow body and spoke with my face. “There you are, ridiculous Badger,” he said. “Why hide behind a woman’s form? Did you think I wouldn’t see through your lies to your essential nature?”
“I am a woman, Shadow King. This is not a lie. You are not the only one who can take whatever form they desire, male or female included,” I said. “Badger is my closest friend and I have never used his face before but if you seek to silence me because of my gender then you will learn your mistake. The Divine Mother said I can take whatever form I need to get my message across so here I stand as a man embodied and you will now talk. If you are truly me, Consumption, then what is it that I love?”
“Man-to-man then,” the Shadow King said, changing back to his male form once more. “Far better to bandy words with you than the other beasts on that hill or a weakling woman. As you well know, Badger, I desire to consume, to devour, to rule all the worlds!” The king grew huge and opened his mouth to swallow the hilltop and all who were on it. The creatures of the earth almost broke in the face of the giant shadow, but I felt Badger moving among them in my form, sharing words of comfort and strength.
“I am with you,” he said. “Stand fast. Heidi is speaking with my face and voice as I move with hers. She won’t abandon us to the outer darkness or feed our children to the worlds of men. You all know her and her fierce love for all in creation. Take heart and be brave.” I felt Nature’s armies begin to settle once more, steeling their hearts against the Shadow King’s threats of domination. The fiercer creatures began to growl and the contingent of wolves moved to the front lines.
“If words fail,” the alpha wolf said. “We will answer as her pack. The shadow won’t harm a hair on Mother’s body of he-wolf or she-wolf, so says the Wolves.”
“Hold, Wolf,” said Badger. “Stay on the hilltop and bank the fires of your anger until the negotiations are through. Let her speak to the leader of men. There is still a chance all-out war may be averted.”
“You appear as me, but you are not me, Consumption,” I said, aware of what was taking place on the hilltop behind me but laser focused on the great shadow ahead. “If you were, you would know what I love. Furthermore, consumption and rulership aren’t things, they are actions. If you communicate better through action, Shadow King, then tell me what action do I love more than any other?”
The Shadow King grew smaller so that he was my size again rather than a giant out of a nightmare. “I seek dominion over all things,” he said. “My favorite action is the next one that takes me closer to my goal of ruling all the worlds.”
I opened my arms so that the light shone from my body onto the shadow. “Wrong again, Consumption. I love to seek and discover. I am an explorer and a student of the mysteries of creation,” I said. “You are not me, demonstrated by word, deed, love, and form. So, who are you? You may not lie to me, not here in a world outside of time, and there’s no escaping me either for I will hunt you to the ends of the worlds and beyond. I know the existent paths and how to create more as needed. Speak your true nature, fiend, and show us your real face.” I moved towards the great shadow with the light shining from me and the Shadow King lost his form entirely, collapsed into an oily puddle and started to flow away from me over the ground.
“Who are you?” I asked again as the king fled from Nature’s army. “Are you a man of water? I can plumb the oceans and seas as well. Tell us who you are!” Finally, the darkness withdrew into a deep hole in the earth and all became still and silent. The animals came down from the hill and stood on the edge of this hole with me as I released Badger’s form and resumed wearing my own familiar face.
“Can anybody see anything down there?” I asked and an owl came from the crowd to sit upon my shoulder. We gazed together into the waiting darkness.
“My eyes see nothing,” hooted the Owl softly and a bat landed on my opposite shoulder.
“My eyes hear nothing,” whispered Bat.
“Maybe he’s dead. You sent the armies of men away!” exclaimed Badger and a cheer went up from the gathered animals.
“Perhaps,” I said. “But I didn’t find out who the Shadow King was. I must know so that in the future I will recognize his presence again and be prepared to defend all whom I love.”
“No need for the king and whatever power he stands for is contained there,” Badger replied. “Water is necessary for existence though their sons can be quite martial when they put their minds to it, seeking to cover all the lands with their dark shadowy influence and spilling the waters of life from those who walk upon the earth.”
“Whoever that was is contained but not vanquished,” I said and embraced Badger. “Your words are wise and your knowledge of the natural world is true but I must know this shadow’s essential nature. Do not fear for me. I walk into dark and watery places but I always come out again, changed in little ways but still myself. Will you go with me into this shadow realm?”
“The hole is too small for me to bring all my power with me and water treats me differently than it does you,” said Badger. “I cannot go with you into this place and return as myself. If you wish it, I will still do so out of love for you but you need to know what it is you ask of me.”
“I desire nothing from you but that you are always yourself and speak true when you interact with me, Badger. My love for you is unconditional in this way. We will find another solution,” I said and looked at the animals all around us. “Is there no one able to come with me into the shadows?” I cried. Then, there was a tiny squeak and a rustling at my feet.
“I will go with you, Mother,” said a voice and a white mouse ran up my leg and down my arm into my hand. There was a grumbling noise from the other animals as she did so.
“No, Mouse, you’re too small to be any help,” one of the creatures growled. “She needs someone brave and strong.”
“Let’s send the lion,” roared another.
“Am I your mother, Mouse? I don’t remember anymore so thank you for holding that memory for me. Everyone can rest easy for Mouse is the only one small enough to come on this journey and bring all she is with her,” I said. “I am honored to have her accompany me.” The little mouse gave a pleased squeak and ran to my forehead where she joined my consciousness and spirit. I gave Badger one last hug and moved towards the Shadow King’s hiding place. He was at my very heels until I stepped into the murk.
“Be careful, Heidi,” he said as I slipped down into the shadows. “You’re irreplaceable to everyone who stood on the hilltop, especially me.”
“I feel the same way about you, Badger,” I said. “I will return to you, I swear it. Await and expect my arrival.” Then my vision dissolved into total darkness.
When I could perceive my surroundings again, I heard Mouse’s squeak in my mind. “I can’t see anything,” she said. “It is all so dark! What are we going to do!”
“Don’t panic, Mouse,” I said. “There is nothing yet to see or do.” Even as the words left my lips, I found myself landing in darkness within a stone cave far below the surface of the earth. Light issued from me and revealed an underground river which ran through the center of the cave, dividing the side where Mouse and I stood from the further part of the cave where a presence existed in the darkness.
From within the deepest recesses of the cave, I heard raspy breathing and a throne of shadow appeared. On it, the Shadow King sat, wearing his crown of authority and a new cloak of darkness that fluttered at his shoulders like living wings. The cloak moved as he breathed, giving the impression of a huge bird at rest or a dragon.
“Who brings light and their unwelcome presence into my sacred cenote?” said the king, his voice a moaning scream. “You do not have my permission to be here. Begone.”
“You want my existence in your life, Great One, for I bring peace to the mind which is at war with itself,” I said. “We didn’t have the opportunity for proper introductions earlier so let’s take a moment now. My name is Heidi and I come from another world, one within time, and I seek the true nature of all I encounter. Who are you?”
The king straightened and his cloak flew outwards, crossing the river which divided us and enveloping me in its cloth. “I am a great power of the earth,” said the Shadow King. “I am the devourer of hope.” Amongst the folds of darkness I began to hear with the king’s ears and the screams of dying men assailed my senses, causing me to fall to my knees. “I bring all war,” said the king. “I destroy all things, watering the ground with their heart’s blood.” I saw gravestones in the millions and heard the cries of countless women who knelt before the graves of their loved ones just as I did at that moment in the underground cave. “I am Fear,” the shadow said. “I own your soul, your children, your very existence both in time and without it. Worship me.”
I found myself being crushed to the stone floor and the tears flowing from my eyes added to the water of the cave, joining the king’s river as they were pulled from me unstoppably in his direction. “We are doomed,” Mouse whispered to me as I wept. “He will smash us beneath his dark wings and consume us as surely as the sky birds at night.”
The tiny voice cleared the shadows from my sight so that I could see my surroundings again, remembering all I was and all I loved. “I forgot you were with me, sweet Mouse, and no, he won’t,” I said. “I will be strong for you and all who wait for us above ground. Mothers have always done so for their children and so will I.” Drawing on a strength I didn’t know I had, I forced myself from the ground onto my hands and knees and turned my face directly at the shadow. As before in the world beneath the sun, I saw the Shadow King in my own form and myself sitting on the dark throne. My eyes were filled with fire and darkness flowed out of me, draining my spirit through fear and hate for all creation.
I looked down at my own body and perceived that I was still illuminated though it didn’t do much good against the great shadow. “Help me rise, Mouse. We have to stand on two feet before Fear’s throne as a woman and not a cowed beast,” I said.
“But I am a beast,” Mouse said. “And a small one at that.”
“Not when you’re with me,” I said. “With me, one whom you named your mother, you stand upon the shoulders of a giant and my strength as well as all the mothers who have ever been is yours. We are not mice; we are lionesses. We are elephants, strong and mighty. We are bears, fierce and true. We are forces of Nature and men with wombs. We are women.” With a cry of defiance, Mouse and I heaved ourselves from the cave’s floor. I panted with the effort as if I had just completed a marathon and opened my arms to shine our light such as it was into the dark.
The Shadow King laughed. “You bring that tiny hope into my lair and expect me to fear you?” he said, wearing my face. “You are nothing more than a mouse and as important to creation as the same. Enter my river and drown. Your body will feed my sons and your light will summon my daughters from the depths so that they can build my armies with their own sons. I will give you to them and rule the worlds.”
More darkness flew at me and manic laughter filled my ears. I was pulled by Fear’s power a few steps towards the river’s dark waters and I heard Mouse scream in my mind. “I can’t swim deep waters but snakes can and they’ll find us,” she said. “We will never walk beneath the sun again. Mother, help me! Please help me!”
I gathered myself, planted my feet upon the cave floor as if I was made of stone rather than flesh and faced the throne squarely. “No, Fear, you will not have me or my daughter to fuel your cenote and subterranean seas,” I said. “Thank you for sharing your true nature with me and I will return the favor. I wish to introduce you to another of the great powers of the earth. You know her already for you stand in opposition to her in all things both within time and without.”
Behind me, a massive glow illuminated the darkness. I turned my eyes towards the other end of the cave and beheld a throne made of light. “Take heart, Mouse,” I whispered. “Here is our giant. She conquers all things, even you, even I.” A spirit that appeared to be me, made entirely of light, sat in state upon the throne. Her crown of authority was as bright as Fear’s was dark. Her cloak was light as well and spread out from her, enveloping Mouse and I in her blessed wings. “I give you, Love, Shadow King,” I said, turning my face back to Fear’s throne. “She owns my soul, not you. She holds my children, not you. She guides me throughout my existence, not you.”
Fear looked at Love and began to withdraw for the first time since I entered the darkness. The king moaned, his voice a scream of hate, and his dark face which was my own began to melt, becoming like water once again rather than an embodied spirit. With a tremor like an earthquake, bright Love stood from her throne and advanced towards the darkness. Where her feet touched the floor of the cave, the waters fled from her, joining the river that flowed through the underground space. She moved behind me and placed her hands on my shoulders, sending her godly strength to both Mouse and I.
“Fear and I have known each other a very long time,” the goddess said, her melodious voice filling the room. Her light continued to drive back the dark and send the waters which ignited with her presence back into the underground sea. “All beings on earth have experienced the claws of Fear as all have known the relief of my embrace. How is this accomplished? From the waters of the womb, you emerge into existence and back into the waters of creation do you return at the end of your time. This water is Love embodied and an extension of me.”
“This spirit called Heidi belongs to me,” Fear said from a shifting male form made completely of dark waters. “Her badger ran from me and cried out in fear, allying himself with Nature’s armies rather than those of civilization for her sake. I rule her mind, heart, and those she calls her own. They will kneel before me or die.”
Love smiled into the darkness, increasing her light so that it ignited the river in the cavern with her presence, revealing creatures of water in its depths. “Her badger only ran from you out of love for her,” the goddess said. “She only came into your cenote out of love for him and all on the hilltop. She asked me to confront you out of love for the Mouse who currently views your world of terror through her eyes. You see, Fear, where you walk, there do I also for we stand on either side of time’s stream, locked in perpetual struggle for the spirits moving within it.”
“Over time you have fought me and won but you have lost this particular war, Love,” Fear said behind his watery mask. “Heidi and her Mouse will never leave this cave to rejoin those above ground. It has been written and so it shall come to pass.”
“Heidi and her child’s death are not required to return your promised lineage to you,” the goddess said. “See your future progeny and the truth of my words.” Love continued to hold my shoulders in a strong but gentle grip as some of the fish, lizards and other crawling creatures in the underground stream began to emerge from the water, drawn to the lighted side of the cave by the goddess’ undeniable presence. “Consider the crawling creatures of the earth,” Love said for my ears alone. “Tell me, what do you see Heidi?”
“Mother, those are strange mice,” Mouse whispered in my mind. “Where is their fur?”
“Those are not mice, my child,” I said. “They are spirits of water who are just beginning their lives on land like we did in ages past. Scientists say life originated in water and it covers most of our waking world in its influence. Would you like to walk among them and learn their language and way of being? Everyone in creation has something of worth and value to teach us.”
“They’ll eat me,” Mouse said. “I’m frightened of them and their strange, reptilian appearance. Snakes and mice are natural enemies.”
“I can make you look just like them if you wish it for the Divine Mother has given me the use of any forms in creation that are required for the journey,” I said. “Inside in spirit, you will still be my Mouse but on the outside you will look and move like them. They won’t know the difference, only you and I will.”
“No, Mother,” said Mouse. “I do not wish to go into the waters and be parted from you or the one I love back on the earth’s surface.”
“You have a love above ground? Then of course we’ll go back and teach the spirits of water together what it is like to have fur rather than scales and thrive in the warmth of the sun rather than the cool depths of the underground seas,” I said. “You can be whoever and dwell wherever you wish, my Mouse, and I will love you in any form.” I gazed at the milling water creatures who were crawling ever more swiftly out of the underground stream. “Even so, I wish I could stay here for awhile with them,” I said as I began to observe patterns I recognized in the water spirits’ dance. “I suspect I’d learn their language far quicker than I did the salamanders. Think of all we could learn underwater, Mouse.”
Fear turned his watery visage from the underground river my way and as he did so flames ignited in the place of his eyes. “I insist you stay, spirit from above, Heidi, Mouse, whatever you prefer to be called,” he said. “I am fluent in every language in existence. I will give you all I know of the mysteries of creation if you only walk with me and my evolving children into our part of time’s stream.”
“Shadow King, I would love to explore this realm which is unknown to me,” I said. “But my daughter does not wish to do so and I will not leave her side nor take her somewhere she does not wish to go.”
“You let the child steer the ship upon the seas of consciousness,” Fear said. “Where is your sense of adventure?”
“Maybe I could do both, explore the underwater kingdoms and give my daughter a home above ground,” I said. “Once upon a time, I helped a goddess in the sky walk with her embodied son upon the earth by encouraging her to share the butterflies from her spirit with him. I am not as exalted as she, but I do carry another voice with me. We could pretend, Fear, and do as they did.”
“I do not pretend; I rule the worlds,” Fear said. “If you do not choose to walk beside me into time, right now, I will ask the lizards about your feet to consume you, you and your daughter both. I will take you in pieces into the future if you will not come whole and willingly.”
The goddess leaned over my shoulder to whisper in my ear. “Fear throws conditions at me and expects me to submit,” she said. “But, I know no conditions or boundaries for Love conquers all things. I will join this underground stream in your Mouse’s place and learn their language and world so that your child may stay with you as she is.”
“I’ll owe my and my daughter’s future existence to you, Love,” I said. “How can I ever repay a debt of this magnitude?”
“Take my light and sit on Fear’s throne in his absence,” the goddess said. “In this way, you will repay all the worlds.” Love straightened from behind me and began levitating towards the god on the far end of the cave. “Thou hast won this war, Fear,” Love said. “Witness my capitulation.” Crossing the river of time as if it were no more significant than a gutter filled with water, the goddess opened her arms to the spirit of dark waters, embraced him and became one with him.
Fear on his dark throne began to grow smaller and smaller in the presence of Love. His form shifted and changed until he was a mouse made of shadow then his fur fell off and his body elongated, becoming a small lizard. He skittered from the far side of the cave towards the newly emerged water spirits who were milling around the portion of Love’s light that had remained with me.
“That looks like Lickspittle,” I said. “He’s not a Shadow King or dominating nightmare but a close friend, as kind and forthcoming with me during my time in the Inner Worlds as Badger. There were snakes, dinosaurs, and dragons on the hilltop too with Nature’s armies. I thought he was among them.”
“He is now because of this very moment,” Love said from my heart. “Heidi, take my light and sit on Fear’s throne. You have earned that honor.”
“It is no honor to sit on Fear’s throne,” I said. “It is a nightmare. He kills creation’s sons, he devours our daughters, he demands far more of us than we can ever give.”
“Not if I am with you,” the goddess said. “When Love sits on Fear’s throne, all becomes illuminated with my light rather than his dark shadows. We uplift the sons and daughters equally, asking them to be their best selves rather than embody impossible perfection. We are unconditional. We are Love and in our presence all things are possible.”
“If you are with me, I stand upon the shoulders of giants. If I see with your eyes, I am forgiving and kind. If I move with your presence, I bring my best self to all my interactions with others,” I said. “Please help me, Love, in all my journeys, whenever and wherever they may be in time.”
“And so I shall,” the goddess said. “Because you asked it of me. I will walk with any who ask me to.” With those words, Love stepped out of my heart, embraced me and became one with me in a spirit of unity as she had with Fear. Her light joined my own and I shone with the brilliance of the sun as I walked towards the dark throne which was now empty and I sat upon it. All around was brilliant light and more and more subterranean creatures began to stream from the underground river. I found myself sinking into the throne as the cave filled with scaled water spirits who could walk upon land and breathe the air as if they were born to do so.
Then my vision shifted and I found myself rising from Fear’s dark cenote and Love’s light shone from me over the animals still standing around the subterranean entrance, waiting anxiously for my return from the depths. Badger spotted me first and gave a shout. “Heidi has defeated her shadow!” he said. “Thank all the powers that be, especially Love!”
“I’m not sure who or what that great shadow was below ground,” I said as Badger threw himself into my arms. “But all I am from this moment forward belongs to Love.” No one heard me as a tremendous cheer rose from all present and all of the animals from the hilltop began to change from their primal selves into spirits in the form of men and women, still retaining enough characteristics so that I could see who they had each been before their evolution.
Stag became a mature man with a rack of horns rising from his head. Badger became a young man with black hair that stuck up in a mohawk with a white streak in the middle. Impossibly, Bear was alive again and became a burly man with a bear pelt over his head and shoulders and a naked, hairy chest. Elephant was only distinguished from Bear by his superior size and greyish attire which he wore as a closely fitted flight suit. Lion was embodied as Jormund with his piercing blue eyes and blonde hair.
Wolf became a man with the appearance of a soldier who had closely cropped hair and golden eyes. Fox changed into a red haired youth with pointed ears and a fluffy tail. Whenever he smiled, I could see his sharp fangs on either side of his mouth. I was distracted by the evolving army by Mouse who merged from my spirit through my third eye and changed into a beautiful woman with long white hair and a tail.
I hugged her. “I didn’t feel like your mother before, but I do now, my daughter,” I said. “Thank you for braving Fear’s darkness with me. I would not have been able to stand in his presence without the strength you gave me.”
“Thank you for not forcing me to join the lizards,” Mouse said. “Even if I had looked like them, I would have never felt like I belonged. Here is my love, Mother!” A spirit in the form of a man with cat’s ears, whiskers, and fingernails like claws ran out of the crowd to Mouse. He held her in his arms and gave her a long kiss.
“You love Cat?” I said as Mouse turned towards me with a huge smile on her face. “I would not have guessed that pairing.”
“No one better,” she said. “I would dwell with him always.”
“Stranger things have happened I suppose,” I said. “Be sure to always feed him before his hunger takes his humanity away, my Mouse. Please trust me on this.”
“Let’s go find a nice place in the sun to nap,” Cat said and they walked away hand in hand, happily, the Mouse and her Cat.
Day turned to night as all in creation shared their transformations and knowledge of their portions of the mysteries with each other. When the moon began to rise above the trees, the group gathered dead wood from the ground and, after lighting a huge bonfire, they danced about it in celebration. Among the creatures, I saw women covered with leaves and grass as if the earth itself were celebrating. Trees in the shape of men with branches for arms and leaves for hair also moved in dance.
Stars began to fall again from the sky and they became beings of light who mixed among the crowd. The bonfire itself turned into fiery women and men who emerged from its depths and mingled with the creatures and plants. Invisible air currents became women and men as well made of wispy mist and they held hands and blew around and over the group. Everything in creation that I beheld took on a body and joined the dance.
Badger led me to a wooden throne in the midst of this celebration and encouraged me to sit. All became quiet as I did so. “Friends, I owe my continued existence among you to Love and seek to embody her presence in all things,” I said. “Before we celebrate further and share our true natures with one another, are there any here who need to speak with me? I will listen to you in this timeless place and take your messages back with me to the waking world.”
A lithe, young man stepped out of the crowd. He had eyes like a serpent, long black hair, and a forked tongue that moved in and out of his mouth as he approached me. Badger left my side and ran at him as if to strike him down.
“Wait, Badger, what are you doing?” I said. “I told anyone that they may speak. Please let Snake speak his mind so that all may know his true nature.”
Badger looked troubled. “Heidi, don’t let him enchant you with his pretty lies,” he said. “Snake is treacherous and false, as are all the cold-blooded creatures from the watery regions. His words will poison this celebration and ruin our burgeoning alliances. The lizards always do.” Badger drew back his lips and bared his teeth at the Snake in a silent challenge.
“Love’s Servant, your furred guardian needs lessons in manners,” Snake said as his forked tongue spit out once at Badger and then moved back behind his teeth. “Thank you for granting me a moment in your presence.” He brushed past bristling Badger and turned his back on him to face me.
“In front of this most august gathering, I ask that you make me a soldier and steward of your heart as you have made Badger,” he said. “I have many gifts I can offer you that I feel are superior to his own. Flowing language, smooth evolution, and personal empowerment are all my strengths. I can be of great service to you if you desire it and but speak the words to make it so.”
Snake glanced over his shoulder at Badger, disdain clear on his features. “This one thinks that he owns you. Tell me that it is not true and I will serve you with all that I have and am,” he said. “I came to you in the dry desert of Tiphareth when Badger either could not or would not. I desire to assist you with all my being and walk the worlds at your side.”
Badger exploded with anger. “This one speaks nothing but lies. I have always loved you and protected you always, even here in a realm outside of time,” he said. “It was I who brought you to the hilltop, not his slithering kind. You don’t require his gifts when you have mine which include loyalty, tireless seeking, and innocence of spirit. My family found you long before his did.”
“You say I lie, but you do far worse,” Snake said. “Your bias for your people and blinkered vision is clear through every word that escapes your lips. I first encountered Heidi as she took the steps to the Throne of Far-Seeing. Where were you on that long ago day, Badger?”
“I will kill you for your impudence and false nature,” Badger said, his human fingers elongating into claws. “You know exactly where I was that day for you made sure I was trapped in another world so you could present yourself as a companion on the stair in my absence.”
“Kill me?” Snake said with a laugh, his fangs elongating in his mouth. “I would like to see you try.”
“Please stop this conflict between the mammals and the lizards!” I said. “There is no point in arguing about all that has come before. All have their place in creation and innate strengths. I say now that Badger has my heart, this is true.” Badger smirked at Snake who looked away in disappointment. “But, he did not take it. It was freely given as we explored the worlds together. He brought me out of the darkness after I fell upon the chessboard. He introduced me to the Great Warrior King. I can’t even number all the ways in which he contributed to the present circumstances here at the end of all things. He was a Servant of Love before even I and that service deserves all of the honors and glory that can be heaped upon him.”
“And this was true of Snake, as well,” I continued. “Serpents, snakes and lizards walked the Inner Worlds with me too, teaching me what they knew of the paths and advising me as to the best way forward. Why should he not share in this triumph too? Badger, you must understand love is the one thing on earth that is not diminished through the sharing of it. It only becomes more and gives more. It is not a thing to be acquired but a concept to be experienced and a way of moving through the dance of existence.” I beckoned the pair of them closer.
“In the spirit of Love, I now declare that I will not pick one guardian spirit of my heart but that I will henceforth have two. Badger and Snake, will you both consent to help me in all my journeys and evolutions?” I said. “Will you be my protectors, advisors, and confidants from now until the end of time?” I reached out my hands and in both I held a large egg. “These eggs which contain progenitor energy from my heart are a symbol of all that may one day be in my waking world. I give them to your keeping, both of you, without reservation and in the name of unconditional love as a portion of my life for all the service that you gave unto me in the past but also in the future. We move together through a pattern that I cannot yet discern the meaning of but pray I one day will. Will you accept this pledge of Love from me until the stars cease their motions in the skies?”
I offered the egg on the left to Snake and the one on the right to Badger. They approached me and knelt at my feet. Then, they raised their hands at the same moment and both took the egg from my grasp. “Until the stars cease their motion,” they said in unexpected unison. “We will be conquered by Love.” The crowd of evolved Nature spirits, whom I had momentarily forgotten, gave a roar as Badger and Snake rose from the ground bearing my eggs which entered their beings through their hands, becoming one with both of them. The celebration began again, more wild and unrestrained than before.
I observed creation moving together in a song and dance of unity such as I had never seen before until, from beyond the bonfire, there was a murmur of sound like a mighty wind moving upon the surface of the earth. The celebrants turned towards the sound, then they began to quiet and kneel in the direction of the disruption.
Badger took my right arm and Snake my left and they led me forward from my throne. “Heidi, walk with us,” said Badger. “Someone of great import has come to see you.”
“Two someones really,” Snake murmured. “Two who are one.”
“Love and Fear?” I said hopefully.
Badger and Snake shared a look but remained otherwise silent as they took me through the center of the great bonfire which became a world ending conflagration as we made our way towards the new arrivals. My guardians entered my spirit as I emerged from the flames and I seemed to stand alone though the reality was entirely different as the Green Lady appeared before me in the timeless realm. Accompanying the goddess, there stood a figure made of the night sky. His form was composed of the darkness created by the sun as it progressed on the other side of the earth, not the all encompassing shadows from the empty void at the edge of creation, and stars covered his skin in their circling patterns and natural progression. His eyes were stars as well and shone from his countenance upon me.
I approached these two and bowed my head in reverence. “Hail, Mother Earth and Father Sky,” I said. “You honor all who are gathered here with your presence among us. What message do you desire for me to take back to the worlds within time?”
“Heidi, Servant of Love and Messenger of the Creator of All,” said the Green Lady, her voice echoing through the clearing. “We thank you for the opportunity to be here today. The earth is forever separate from the sky but today, in this place and timeless moment of existence, we have come together as one in word, deed, love, and form. We are grateful to you for providing a mirror within which all can see their unique contribution to the patterns of life.”
“Where thou art Gaia, am I Gaius,” said Father Sky.
“Where thou art Gaius, am I Gaia,” said Mother Earth.
The two figures embraced and my vision went dark. Suddenly, my eyes cleared and I saw the earth as if from a great distance in space. She was held in the starry arms of the universal sky. All was whole and complete and there were no further promises that needed to be realized between the two who were one. There was a place beyond duality and this was that place. My consciousness fragmented and I felt myself dissolve into spirit alone, becoming one with all that existed.
Two presences stirred within me in my formless state and I felt Badger and Snakes’ spirits, gathering me back together in one form from wherever it was that I had gone. Slowly my consciousness was given back to me and when I could see with my two eyes again, I beheld one figure standing in the glade of the timeless realm before the bonfire that creation had made during their celebration. On the left, the unity of Mother Earth and Father Sky were the Green Lady and on the right they were the lord of the night sky and stars.
This being, which had been two forms but was now one, raised their arms over me in benediction. “Tell your waking world that Love conquers all things,” they said. “Tell them, Heidi, and realize this truth in your own life.”
Then the Unity turned their face from me and addressed the observing crowd. “Speak our words and realize this truth in your own life!” they commanded. “Love conquers all things!”
All in creation spoke in unison with the being of the earth and sky. “Love conquers all things!” they spoke and shouted and sang. “Love conquers all things!”
“I am conquered by love,” I whispered as Badger and Snake stepped from my heart to stand beside me once more. “I will deliver your message, Great Ones.”
There my vision ended.
The Light Congress 