Gate: Two of Cups
I entered the vision gate and found myself on a pebbled path that ran along a dark ocean. Ahead, a lighthouse made of shining stone rose high into the cloudy sky. Its light flashed forth, shining an illuminating beam on the otherwise darkened landscape.
Behind me, shadows moved both upon the path and on either side. I couldn’t see the shadows, but I felt their fearful presence and the urge to run from them towards the light. I allowed myself to move as quickly as I could towards the lighthouse, kicking a few stones from the path in my flight, while the shadows followed closely at my heels.
I followed the path to the base of the lighthouse, then passed through the dark doorway into the structure and everything became illuminated, driving the chasing shadows away and returning some semblance of peace to my heart. A spiral staircase led from the doorway towards the bright light which shone down from above.
I heard someone calling my name from the heights of the lighthouse. “Heidi, Heidi…,” said a voice in a whispering echo. Following the sound, I ascended the stairs, dragging my fingers along the shining walls of the lighthouse as I did so.
After many steps, I finally reached the top and entered the area where the light was contained within a sculpted glass column. It shone forth too brilliantly to look at closely and continued to call my name. “Heidi….,” whispered the light.
“I am here despite the shadows on the beach,” I said. “Who are you and how do you know my name?”
“We are you, Heidi. Your inner self, your inner knowledge, your connection to your source,” the light replied.
“That makes sense that you all know my name then,” I said. “Why are you whispering?”
“We did not want to injure you with the full power of our presence. Welcome to the Great Lighthouse of Alexandria, a wonder of the ancient world,” the light said. “Why have you come here, Heidi?”
“I have come to learn the nature of this world and you,” I said. “Light, if I may call you that, why are there such dark shadows outside this place?”
“We will answer your question through observation of this realm,” said the Light. “Heidi, go to the balcony and tell us what you see. Do not be afraid to gaze into the unknown for we stand beside you.”
“I always appreciate the company,” I said, moving away from the vision-obscuring light and facing the darkness outside of the lighthouse. To my left, the ocean roiled and frothed, as storm tossed and unsettled as the skies above. Leviathans emerged from the deep and enormous flippers broke the surface of the water before they submerged themselves again below the waves. To my right, the land was a seething mass of darkness.
The living shadows moved and twirled around each other upon the cursed ground. The illuminating beam from the lighthouse shone brightly as it cut through the observing shadows, but not strongly enough to dissipate them all. When I had gotten a good look at the light moving in a ceaseless cycle through the dark, I went back inside to shelter from the stormy sky.
“Light, there are monsters in the darkness on both the land and sea,” I said. “I don’t understand how I came to this place when it seems to be dominated by the shadow realm. Do we belong here?”
“We represent knowledge, light, and inner vision, which is known if not welcome in all the worlds,” the Light said. “Remember, Heidi, at the edge of the light, that is where the fear starts and the subconscious darkness draws the shadows in. Those fears are your monsters of the land and sea.”
“Are the monsters real?” I asked. “I don’t believe the shadows can hurt me but the fear they create in my heart says otherwise.”
“Go outside once more and tell us what you see,” said the Light. “Braving the fear in your mind and heart is the cost of self knowledge, a price that not all in creation are willing to pay.”
“Once upon a time, I met my personal shadow beside a fountain and she wasn’t a frightening presence at all, just obstinate,” I said. “This lighthouse seems secure enough to face the shadows of the rest of the world. Please come with me.” With those words, I ventured out into the darkness again.
Suddenly, over the far horizon across the ocean, the sun rose above the edge of the earth. As its light touched the waves, the surface calmed and the monsters stirring its waters disappeared. The sun shone down upon the beach, where I saw a stone statue of myself in the surf.
The stone of the statue was familiar to me, but her posture was new. Instead of laying upon the sand and captured in motion as I pulled myself from the water, this statue faced the rising sun with her hands raised above her head in an ecstatic gesture of welcome and greeting.
In the land beyond the beach, the sun revealed the great city of Alexandria rising from the shadows. Its buildings were made of shining marble and reflected the bright rays from the sky with a light all of its own. I went back into the lighthouse at dawn on a new day.
“The sun drove away the darkness,” I said. “I must have been in this world before because my image was on the beach but I don’t remember that visit. The city itself looks spectacular and far less shadowy in the rising sun.”
“Light always banishes darkness. The monsters and shadows of the wider world are no more real than you allow them to be,” the Light said. “Do you want to see the city?”
“I do!” I said. “I heard that there was an extraordinary library here. May I go see it?”
“We know you’re drawn by the written word,” the Light said. “But stay with us for a moment, we will speak with you further before you explore Alexandria.” The light shone even more brightly and I was pulled towards it like a moth to a flame. At the center of the glass pillar of the lighthouse, a small human-shaped figure made of light and energy turned and danced in the brilliance.
“I am here, Light, and I see you dancing as well as hear your words,” I said. “What do you require of me?”
“What have you learned on your journeys into the Inner Worlds?” said the Light. “Though we walked the paths with you, we would hear your opinions in your own voice.”
“I have learned the search within is eternal. There is always more to see and become,” I said. “It is a conscious evolution but also an adventure beyond imagining. I did not expect to have such fun on the journey nor did I expect to find such connection to you and parts of myself that I didn’t know I possessed.”
The Light danced as I spoke my truth to them. “Is there more, Heidi?” they asked.
“I have learned to trust the process and the unfolding of reality. Before my journey began, I always felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop or as if, when things became really good, that they were all going to fall apart in some way,” I said. “This is no longer a belief I hold to be true. Also, I’ve learned on the path towards self knowledge that I am more than I believed I was and so is everyone else who moves through the dance of existence.”
The Light expanded and grew until the figure within the pillar of light was of a size with me and arms of pure brilliance unfolded from their center and reached out to hold me. “You have begun a dialogue with us and we are so pleased,” they said. “If you had not gone on this inner journey, we would have found other ways to speak with you but this manner is so simple and easy for all involved. Know and remember, Heidi. We are you and you are us.”
As the Light spoke and embraced me, my form disintegrated and I became part of the living light. My consciousness was propelled out of the lighthouse into the city by the power of the beings within the light. My vision flashed through the empty streets until I was pushed into the marble building which I somehow knew contained the Great Library.
Because I was now a part of Light, I did not view the reality of the library as a person but instead perceived my own body as the walls. My arms and legs were the books and scrolls that lined the walls and moved within the minds and hearts of those who assimilated the knowledge I contained. Through this scholarly alchemy, my consciousness became a part of each scholar and seeker who entered the library and read the material within. I dwelt for a time in peace as both the building and source of learning itself.
Light spoke to me again before I lost my memory of embodying a physical form, something that I intuitively knew was a risk we took by allowing me to experience the Great Library as a presence rather than a woman.
“Heidi, you are more than the Library and all within it,” they said. “Feel the endless knowledge and learning, then remember the path calls you forth once more to dance with the embodied spirits. You cannot remain thus though we know you loved this existence.” As I contemplated the truth of Light’s words, a fire suddenly swept through my halls. The spirits and mortals within my boundaries fled in terror while I felt my books and extended consciousness reduced to ash. The fire consumed all and darkness fell on my eyes again so that I could see nothing but the void of creation.
Then, a voice spoke in the void, breaking my seemingly endless solitude and mourning for my previous state of existence. “Heidi, are you still there?” the Light asked. “Are you awake and aware?”
“I am present,” I replied. “Though I find myself longing for all I used to be.”
“Are you diminished because your physical building has fallen?” the Light asked. “By taking your written knowledge from your consciousness, are you less than before?”
“No, I still feel as if I contain as much as I did before the conflagration,” I answered. “But now I cannot access that knowledge as I wish nor share in the insights and learning of those who walk my halls. I feel so alone.”
“The Great Library is and was more than just a building. It is an attitude of learning and an openness for knowledge that still exists in the Inner Worlds though it has disappeared from your waking reality,” the Light said. “As you shared in this universal experience and connection with other beings, you can now more easily recall that you are far more than your physical shell, you and all in existence are more.”
My spirit was pulled from the emptiness of the void by Light and I found myself standing at the top of the lighthouse again, watching my inner being dance in its illuminating glow.
“Do not mourn for what you once were,” the Light said. “You remain a part of who we are and share in our learning and experiences just as much as you did once long ago. Hold onto that knowledge and know the truth of our words; you are never alone in existence for we are you.”
The dancer in the lighthouse column leapt from the light into my spirit and my entire body lit up with the shining brilliance of the Light. I felt myself moving away from the center space of the lighthouse and peered over the balcony towards the devastated city of Alexandria. Most of its buildings had been burnt and everything I once knew as well as my own body was a smoking ruin. Time passed as I wept over the city’s fate until the sun set on the dismal scene and the shadows once again began to gather in the darkness of the sea and land.
Anger built within me at the reappearance of the shadows and I moved down the spiral stairs of the lighthouse with my body still exuding brightness. The stairs themselves were covered with a fine ash from the fire that rose into the air as I passed. Burning with the fires of righteous anger in my spirit, I exited the lighthouse and raised my arms in a challenge to the darkness.
“Come shadows!” I called. “We shall see you as you truly are and you shall know me.”
A monstrous growl sounded in the darkness around the lighthouse and an enormous three-headed dog came racing towards me out of the shadows. Rather than flee from his approach, I opened my arms towards him and let the light from my spirit shine directly onto him. Instead of attacking me, the creature shimmied backwards, trying to escape the light and return to the shadows. Then, instead of retreating, the dog began to shrink. His form became smaller and smaller, and then the creature turned into a gray gate made of ash and stone.
“That dog was a guardian as well as a gate,” I said to myself. “As I was a library as well as a woman. This symmetry with the shadow feels fitting to me, somehow.”
As I studied the new gate through reality, a skeleton key of dense metal appeared in my hands. Fitting the key into the keyhole that suddenly appeared within it, I unlocked the gate and, as it swung open, a mist poured forth from it. Within the living mist, I heard a woman moan in fear or pain. At the sound of another’s distress, the anger that had driven my steps from the lighthouse ignited within me once more and I stepped forward, unafraid, into the darkness to face the shadows.
“Light,” I said as I passed through the doorway of ash and stone. “What is this place?”
“We send you forth to dispel a shadow, long held in your mind,” said the Light. “Do not be afraid.”
“I am far more angry than afraid,” I said as I continued forward. “Those who sought to destroy a spirit of learning and sharing from the ancient world will answer to me for their actions.”
“Maybe it was an accident,” the Light said.
“Maybe there are no accidents,” I said. “Not when it comes to realms of the spirit.”
“We will remember you spoke those words, even if they did come from a place of anger,” said the Light. “Now arm your heart, Heidi, there is a trial ahead.”
After a few more steps into darkness, the source of the moaning appeared as a young woman wreathed in shadows who emerged from the mists of that dark realm. Her arms were chained to the wall above her head and she cried out in pain at both her bondage and the numerous wounds marring her form. I came closer to this poor spirit and I saw she was me.
To my horror, the woman’s shadowy eyes had been gouged out and her fingers were broken in multiple places. As I ran the final steps to her side, the spirit heard me coming and tried to get away, pulling against her bonds. “Stay back!” she screamed. “I have given you all the knowledge I have to give.”
“Don’t be afraid, I would never harm you,” I said. “I have come to free you from the shadows. What happened here?” I took the key that opened the gate and unlocked the woman’s hands from the wall. She collapsed into a lifeless heap at my feet and I gathered her into my arms, shining onto her broken shadow body with my inner light.
“They took my sight so I couldn’t see my own way or learn the ways of others. Then, they broke my hands and took away my music, which was a part of me as well,” she said. “They chained me so I couldn’t get away and recover my strength in the darkness. They come each night and hit me with their book but I won’t submit to them. I can’t…” The shadow woman sobbed in distress and I comforted her as best I could.
“No one will hurt you anymore, Shadow. Light and I are here just for you. We still have our eyes, see?” I took Shadow’s mangled hands and moved them over my face. “See with my eyes. Our hands are strong and whole and can make whatever music you want. Feel them and their strength? They are yours as well.” I ran Shadow’s hands over my own so she could feel the truth and held her close. “Who hits you with a book?” I said. “That is a special insult created for the both of us and I will answer this outrage.”
A metallic screech sounded and the door opened to the dungeon that had appeared around Shadow and I as we spoke. The spirit screamed, clinging to me with her shattered hands. “It’s the Shadow Queen. She comes as she always does. Don’t let her hurt us anymore,” Shadow cried. “I can’t believe in reality the way she does. I can’t be her even though she wants us to be.”
I clasped my shadow’s broken body to my lighted body. “We will face this terror together, Shadow,” I said. “As you are treated, so shall it come to pass with me. We are one being of both light and shadow.” With a sigh of relief, the tortured body of Shadow melted into mine and I turned to face the menace coming towards us with enough anger to carry us both through the fear of the moment.
At first, the living shadow had the shape of a woman, a monstrous Shadow Queen with fire coming from her eyes and darkness that covered her body in a blanket of the void. But then, as my light touched her, she changed into a hulking beast with spikes coming from its back. The creature’s breath was rasping and harsh and it looked like a slug made of shadow with simple sticks jutting from its sides, creating the semblance of human hands.
In its false hands of wood rather than flesh, the monster carried a large book and came towards me, brandishing it like a weapon.
“I am Dogma,” the Shadow Queen hissed and I felt the shadow of a woman inside of me cry out in fear. “You will submit or be lost to your family and all who love you. Believe or be cast into the darkness with all the other lost souls. Believe or I will break you once again and leave you in the dark.” The creature came towards me with the book raised high above its monstrous head, preparing to bring it down upon my own.
I opened my arms and the light of my inner being exploded outwards from my form to the shadow. “I am the Light. I am the knowing and learning of generations of seekers,” I said. “You shall trouble me and Shadow no more.” As my light touched her darkness, the Shadow Queen hissed and screamed in impotent rage.
“Your horrors are not what my family or world believes or expects me to believe,” I continued. “You have tormented enough people with your shadows and false expectations. Give up this fight for you have lost, Shadow Queen. You lost the moment I left the lighthouse because of what you did to Alexandria, though you did not know it.”
“I burned you to the ground, Spirit of Learning,” the Shadow Queen screeched. “You were never to leave the void for your hubris and arrogance, seeking and questioning the gods themselves because of your endless curiosity. This book is all the mystery of creation you and your kind were and are ever to know.”
“You are wrong, Great Shadow,” I said. “My presence here is proof that the ruling powers of the worlds wish to help humanity understand and know the patterns of the Creator of All. One book or one path could never encapsulate the complexity that is reality. Return to the void with your problematic viewpoint and trouble us no more. Your time has passed.”
Dogma gave one last hideous screech and vanished. The book she held lay on the ground and I picked it up, reading its title: Bible. As I held the book that was more than simple words on the page, it began to glow.
“Light,” I said into the stillness. “I feel like this book has hurt me so much. No other writing has affected me so across the eons of existence and I believe its words and other sacred texts like it are windows into creation itself. How can the desire to know and understand creation have led to this painful shadow?”
“Perhaps if you read the book again with the eyes of love you gaze through now, it will mean something different to you,” the Light said. “Many people feel that this book has injured them but it was never meant to be used as a weapon. Living the knowledge of the Bible is like embodying the Great Library. It is a mode of existence and a way to be in the world, not a way to force other people to be. Do not misunderstand its inherent value or continued misuse by the shadows that walk in your world.”
The book continued to glow with a golden light. “You and all in existence are the living version of the combined knowledge of the sages, scholars and mystics of times past,” said the Light, their voice now coming from the pages of the Bible itself. The book melded into my hands and joined the light that was still issuing from me. “Be this spirit of learning and uplift those around you so they remember this truth too.”
I blinked and found myself as a part of the light from the lighthouse again, delighting in my return to their company. We shone forth from our pillar into the wider world and the darkness fled from our presence.
Then, I was the light coming from the rising sun, shining across the ocean in the dawn of a new day, and I lit the sea and the city beside it. The buildings of Alexandria and its Great Library stood again in their pristine grandeur, as if they had never burned.
I shone down on the obsidian statue of myself trapped on the beach and it blew apart into fragments of glittery dust. A light came from within the destruction of this statue and I was that as well.
“You are the Light and always have been,” I heard in my mind and heart.
There my vision ended.
The Light Congress 