Gate: Ace of Swords
I stepped through the vision gate and found myself on a dark, watery surface. Stars shone down into this realm from far above, but they were not reflected in the water as they are in the realm of the Divine Mother. “Where am I?” I mused as I stood upon this surface, ripples moving out from where my feet touched the shadowy ocean.
After some time spent observing the darkness and many ripples in their repeating and predictable patterns upon the seas, marble knight statues dressed in armor and bearing long swords rose out of the water. These statues emerged from the right and left, creating a path through the darkness and nothingness of the void. As I passed between them, levitating upon the water, they dropped their swords behind me, closing the passage.
I fought the urge to run because I had a fleeting thought that the swords would fall on me, but since there was nothing I could do about the guardians of this realm and they spoke not a single word to me, I continued on at a moderate pace, comforting myself that if this was to be my end then at least I would die with my feet upon the appointed path. The swords continued to fall as I pushed forward, fighting shadows both in and outside of my heart.
As I moved deeper into the void, I beheld a bright light ahead, shining in the darkness like a star on the distant horizon. I followed this light until I reached the end of the guarded path and found a shining, white flower floating upon the surface of the waters. It turned upon its axis, displaying lovely silken petals that shone with their own light. “Why are you here?” came a voice from the flower. “The guardians must know.”
“I have come to this far place in pursuit of knowledge and wisdom of the mysteries of creation,” I said. “I also wish to know your true nature. My name is Heidi.”
“For what purpose do you seek this hidden wisdom?” said the lotus. “You long for material comforts and dominion over others I suppose like some of those who have walked this path before you.” As the flower spoke, I saw myself draped in earthly treasures of various types, viewing the world and everyone in it as if from a great height. The shadow I cast from this high spot covered the world in a darkness without end.
“No, Servants of Love do not desire to cover the earth in their shadows,” I said and the vision faded from my sight. “Though abundance is the birthright of all beings, that is not what drives me. Here is my motivation, unconditional love.” I allowed the emotion to move through me and pulled a glowing spark from my heart, the embodiment in that dark place of my love. “I use this feeling like fuel and it ignites my curiosity about the worlds and moves me forward down the paths that will benefit all. I do not know what to do with this energy of love other than to journey inward and discover more about both reality and myself. I wish to use this information to serve the Creator of All and to find my place in the songs and patterns of creation.”
The lotus flower reached forth its leaves and deep roots, and took the spark of my heart’s energy from my hand. Then, it dropped the light into the center of its blossom and exploded outward in a burst of primal energy. When the flower stopped growing and the light faded, I found myself looking into my own face. The plant person born from my heart was a mirror image of me except she had a white flower growing from her spirit form which emerged from the top of her head like a hat.
Suddenly, a powerful roar came from the deep shadows of the void in the unguarded space outside of the paired knights’ path behind us. A whirling tornado of growth, like a living, moving storm made of thorns, swirled towards us rapidly. The emerging spirit was so fast, malevolent, and dark that I could hardly make it out against the backdrop of the abyss.
“What is that!” I cried, an ancient fear entering my heart.
“You see before you the presence of those who seek this place for reasons other than your own,” my mirror image said. “We call them, The Dark Congress, and they exist here, protecting the path but also their own interests to the detriment of all else. Come, Heidi, we must return to the light or else join them in the abyss outside of the influence of those who share your love for all in creation.”
The living lotus took my hand and led me back down the path of guardian statues. As we went past them, the knights again dropped their swords behind me, but this time it felt like a protective gesture rather than a threatening one because the living thorns could not follow in my footsteps. The storm was left spinning and growling in the dark and shadows at the furthest edge of the void that I had yet braved.
“Who are you?” I asked the flower as we moved across the surface of the water. “And what are you doing here?”
“I am you, Heidi,” the flower said. “I represent a piece of your spirit which dwells permanently in this place near the abyss and is also connected to nature and all growing and evolving beings. Let me remove a shadow from your eyes so that you may see the truth.” She waved her arm in a sweeping gesture and suddenly we were walking in a sea of lotus blossoms that appeared like her, before we had shared my heart’s energy. Then, she motioned again and the flowers vanished from the surface of the water.
“Those who visit this place leave a part of themselves behind,” the lotus said. “That part remains here with those who are like them in spirit and whispers wisdom to the part of the visitors that go back to the world they know and from which they emerged. This is true for both the light and the shadow.”
Finally, the flower and I reached the end of the guarded path and, in this new place, I saw a large, glowing crowd of nature spirits whose forms were composed of brilliant, diamond light. They were so bright in that dark place that it took some time for my eyes to adjust to their glow.
“Behold, Heidi, the Light Congress!” my guide said. “Be welcome to the company of light. Long have you walked in shadowed places. We rejoice at your arrival at long last.”
The crowd contained all manner of intelligent existence and every type of natural growing thing imaginable was within this throng. Their connection to nature was displayed upon their forms so that, upon observing them, I could tell how each had emerged from the void and grown into the astonishing spirits who leant their radiance to the august gathering. These ever-evolving beings held hands to create a seamless blanket of energy made of their own forms and faced towards a central focus point in the very heart of their realm.
My mirrored flower-self moved to the edge of this crowd, placed her hands on the shoulders of the spirit in front of her and joined the glowing group, lending her light to their building energy.
I stood on my tiptoes in an effort to see to the center of the crowd but, the group was so vast I couldn’t see a thing. So I imagined myself into their point of focus and, in a heartbeat, found myself there. In the middle of this shining crowd was a brilliant ball of light, glowing brighter than the sun or any energy source I had ever seen.
The Light Congress’ focused creation gave off living energy in waves of radiant and palpable light. The spirits closest to the center held up their hands to absorb the light. The energy of the center passed through them and transmitted itself to the furthest part of the group in a pulsing wave of unstoppable life force. This happened again and again, causing the crowd to glow as brightly as their gathered energies.
I found myself entranced by this shared creation and my steps took me to the very heart of the energy. It was so bright within the Light Congress that after a few moments I couldn’t see, and then I couldn’t hear, a white noise filled up all of my senses and obliterated my individuality from the group. I caught glimpses of movement but this energy came and went so quickly that I couldn’t perceive what it was. Finally, I became the light and knew nothing else for a time.
Then, I beheld a light breaking off from the energy that was The Light Congress and we set a spindly desert plant aflame. A spirit in the shape of a man stood in front of this flame and the light reached out and touched him as well. The being’s hair turned completely white upon his exposure to the gathered energy and two engraved tablets of stone appeared on the ground at his feet. I heard a whisper come from the living flames of the mountain. “Moses,” they said. “Return to your people with our message.”
Then, I was on top of another mountain and saw a spirit in the shape of a man who was holding a sharp knife to the throat of a child who cowered before him in fear. I saw the energy which was The Light Congress come from the sky to fall between the man and the child, and the father dropped the knife with a shout of surprise. “Abraham,” the light whispered. “Put down your knife. This is a sacrifice that never was, preceding another sacrifice that will be.”
I gathered my spirit together within the collective living energy of The Light Congress and found my individual voice once more. “I know these stories, Light Congress,” I said. “Why do you show them to me now?”
“They are not just stories,” another voice came from the energy beside me. “They are who we are. All that is or ever will be am I and those who dwell with me.”
I found my individuality being subsumed within the living light again. “Who are you, if not all of us?” I said, fighting to form words within the collective creation. “I am not you. I am an ‘I’ too and I can feel others with us though they are yet voiceless. You do not speak for all.”
“I am all that is,” the voice said again. “I am you and you are me. Together we are one spirit.”
“If we are one spirit, then how are you talking to me?” I said.
“You’ve never had a conversation with yourself?” the voice said. “I know this isn’t true for I am always with you from the first to the last. We talk all the time.”
“Talking to yourself is not like talking to others and this conversation isn’t convincing me that I am you at all,” I said. “Perhaps if we examine motivations for being, I will find greater understanding. Why do I see myself as separate from you, if I am you and you are me?”
“You choose to be,” the voice replied. “See the hour of your choice.”
Images formed within the blinding reality of the Light Congress and I saw a vision of myself as a child standing in front of a table that looked like a tablet or modern computer screen but it was incredibly long. The child was surrounded by glowing winged figures like angels with light streaming from their countenances. “You are speaking your motivations for this life’s journey,” said the voice.
“I don’t remember doing that,” I said. “Is this sort of insight allowed while one is still living the life in question?”
“Watch and learn, Heidi,” the voice said. “And know the truth of my words.”
I saw the child’s lips moving and I assumed she was naming things like relationships, experiences, and people, narrating her life story though I could not hear it. I moved to stand behind her shoulder and her voice suddenly became manifest. “Then,” the child said. “I will know what love is.” A collective groan went up from the guardians around her.
“Earthly love is imperfect,” said the voice of The Light Congress. “You don’t understand what you are asking to experience.”
“You made me to experience everything in creation,” the child replied. “I will know a life lived in service to love.”
“This path that you choose is very hard,” said The Light Congress. “I will not refuse you but you will need help. Will you accept help from us, Heidi?”
The child nodded in strangely solemn agreement for one who appeared to be so young. “I must have you or I’ll never self actualize to the extent required for this mission. I have already put many friends into my life to help me, please add more as you see the need,” she said. “May I also take Badger? He’s my favorite and I wouldn’t be here without him.” A badger spirit the size of a horse appeared at her side.
“This life that you’re dreaming up has very few places for me to join you in it,” said the badger. “But, see here, you have created a dark time full of sadness. I will come to you then though you will not know me.”
“Oh, Badger,” said the child, throwing her arms around his neck. “I could never forget you. I love you so.”
“You say that now and I believe you will never stop trying to remember that which you once knew,” Badger said. “I will never forget you either and my reappearance in your reality will prove the truth of my words.”
“And mine,” said the child. “I have not forgotten. Friends and allies until the stars cease their motion.”
“Until the stars cease their motion,” said the badger in reply. “When time itself comes to an end and all promises have been fulfilled.”
As the child and Badger swore loyalty to each other, I examined the table over the child’s shoulder. The screen showed a pillar of light with wispy growths coming off here and there. I could make no sense of what I was seeing though I gazed at it for quite awhile and studied its softly waving brilliance. “What am I looking at?” I asked at last. “This life pattern looks more like a tree of light than the dancing energies to which I am accustomed. Is this a static sideview of a ripple upon water?”
“You see before you the life you planned for yourself,” the voice of The Light Congress replied. “We all tried to tell you what you were choosing was going to be difficult but you could not be persuaded or turned.”
“Sounds like me,” I murmured, drawing my energy together and giving myself a form from the formless state I had been observing in. “I’m always so optimistic about the future, it blinds me to the approaching trials.”
The child continued with her planning, pointing, and directing the lights upon the screen while the guardians around her dove in and out of the timeline symbol upon the tablet like bolts of living energy, adding to the wispy lines coming off of the main pillar. I knelt beside her and she seemed to see me for the first time. “Hello, I didn’t see you there,” the child said. “Who are you?”
“I come bearing a message from the future from the Servants of Love,” I said and hugged the child. “You are a light of hope and learning in the darkness of fear and ignorance. Do not forget. Even when times seem dark, do not forget who you are for shadows are ever drawn to the lights of the world. They will come for you and try to extinguish your love for creation, so you must not forget.”
The child hugged me in return. “I don’t know who you are, Messenger, but you seem kind,” she said. “I look forward to meeting you one day as well.”
“As I you, aspirant to the Servants of Love,” I said and released her from my arms.
Badger turned his attention to me and guided me away from the child and her table of life. “There was never any reasoning with you once you got your mind set on something,” he said as I put my hand on his head in greeting. “I tried, we all did. How are you finding this life that you so desired?”
“It can be difficult, very tough,” I said. “I feel tired sometimes and lost like I can’t remember what I came to do. I expect more of myself than I am able to give. I can be irrationally angry and short with others, losing my equanimity and patience for reasons I don’t even comprehend.”
“We told you that would happen,” Badger said. “The shadows can be dark upon the paths of love and the spirits unforgiving. But no matter, you’re here now and we’re much stronger together than apart. They can’t derail us both at the same time. How can I help?”
“Please take me to a place that I love and maybe it will jog my memory,” I said. “I arrived here from the heart of The Light Congress and I need to remember how to assist them in their eternal quest. I even forgot their existence, you see, and my presence among them. It’s embarrassing how much I can’t remember.”
Badger grinned. “I know just the place,” he said. “I will help you remember yourself as I promised at the beginning.” We walked together through light and shadow until we came upon a well beneath a starry sky. Inside the well was dark water that did not reflect the stars above.
“Welcome to your Well of Memory,” said Badger. “We place our hands and paws upon the well and tell it what sort of memory that we want to retrieve from your many lives. The well returns your desired memory to your mind and heart if you are in a place in your life where such knowledge will be of use for the good of all.”
“That seems simple enough,” I said as Badger and I touched the well’s stone wall together. “I would like a memory of contentment and joy to carry me through the current shadow.”
A drop of clear water, bigger than my head, arose from the center of the well’s black, un-reflective surface. The bubble floated until it was right in front of me.
I touched the water’s surface and found myself standing beside an ancient woman. She was in the middle of a caravan of wagons beneath the night sky and a great bonfire was burning, driving away the waiting darkness. There was singing, dancing, and shared food among the people gathered in that place. The elderly woman smiled peacefully at those around her while the light from the bonfire danced in her eyes.
“That is you, a very long time ago and in another world,” Badger said, his voice drifting to me from outside of the vision. “You died in your sleep on this night but you were so happy. Some of the spirits gathered here are your children and your children’s children. This was a life of joy, purpose, and family. Sit with her, Heidi, and remember the feeling of a life well-spent in service to others.”
I entered the elderly woman’s body and felt her great age pressing my head down and the pain in my joints from her long sojourn among the embodied spirits. But, I also felt, from a shining light like the sun in her heart, her fierce love for her people and how they loved her in return.
A young woman ran up to me from the crowd with the warmth from the fire lighting her cheeks and a sparkle in her eyes. “Great-grandmother,” she said, taking my gnarled hand in hers. “Read my cards for me. I think the love of my life has come and I want to know that this is true from your own mouth.”
I looked deeply into my great-granddaughter’s eyes. “I need no cards, child,” I said. “Love has come for you, I can feel it in my bones and I know it in my heart. This is a difficult path but one which I know you will traverse with ease for you are of my blood and we come from a long line of Servants of Love.”
“Do you mean it?” the young woman said, her smile lighting her face. “Oh Great-Grandmother, I love you too and wish you a long life of further joy and learning among us.”
“I have had that, child,” I said. “All is well with me, I promise. Now help me to my bed. My age demands that I take my rest. Have your young man come and see me tomorrow and I will read the cards for the both of you.”
The young woman helped me rise from my seat and find my bed amongst the caravan wagons. I shut my eyes in peace, absolute peace and acceptance of all that life had given to me in that lifetime, and opened them to find myself standing on the dark waters of the void near the abyss. The knight guardians of the path to The Light Congress crossed their swords before me and I turned from their light to face the gathering shadows of the unprotected area of that realm.
A wind came from the void and I heard The Dark Congress coming towards me, preparing to take all that I was and had been. I steeled my spirit to preserve the love that I had found and that was mine alone. “Servant of Love,” the winds whispered as they tore into me, ripping the form I had recently embodied into pieces of shining energy. “Welcome to our dominion. You shall repay your debt for our largesse to your existence before we allow you walk the worlds again. Speak your pattern and add to our knowledge of the mysteries of creation.”
“I will relate to you a lifetime of happiness and service, much good may it do you, shadows. That would be a happy day, if the living darkness outside of creation led to a path of rejoicing and learning rather than endless suffering and grief. I will be brief because I hope I do not have to be here too long,” I said as the separated shining energy of my love drew itself together out of the tornadic winds to form a lotus blossom upon the water. “I would very much like to know what happened to my Julia.”
“We will tell you and you will weep for your gods have turned their faces from you,” said The Dark Congress. “They barred the gates of heaven against you and left you to the wolves. The same can be said for Julia.”
“No need to torment me with lies born from fear of the unknown,” I said. “I will wait and one day see the truth for myself with my own eyes.”
There my vision ended.
The Light Congress 