Gate: Four of Pentacles

I entered the vision gate and was surrounded by thick and swirling mists. Within the mist, large creatures with webbed wings like bats or dinosaurs flew through the darkness and I felt the air moving in their passage.

“I hope these spirits aren’t hungry,” I said quietly to myself as I flew among them. “If they were, they could swallow me whole in one bite. I don’t want to be someone’s afternoon snack.”

The mist slowly cleared from my sight revealing a narrow bridge over a deep chasm. Rather than continuing to brave the path with its flying monsters swirling in the air, I envisioned the golden wings of Hafiz upon my back and leapt off of the bridge. Utilizing their grace and power, I circled through the air, descending down into the endless darkness and shadow.

I landed softly on a cobblestone street among close, tall buildings of a medieval town. All the doors were shut and the town’s inhabitants seemed asleep. In the streets, a living mist appeared as it had in the skies above and this fog moved and glowed with its own inner light.

A melodic whispering composed of multiple voices speaking together in unison came from the center of this mist. “Hello, wanderer,” they said. “You may call us, Wisdom, for we are many. Follow us and we will take you to the appropriate place for you at this time.”

“I appreciate your help, Wisdom,” I said. “Just so you know, there are monsters in the sky above this place. I hope their presence does not trouble the residents of the town overly much.” Wisdom did not reply to my words with words of their own but instead gave off a rainbow light through the mist and I felt that the presence was laughing at my concerns. “Oh well,” I thought to myself. “At least I tried to give them fair warning of what’s coming their way. What happens next is up to them now.”

The mist guided me through the maze of streets and we eventually emerged into a town square. In the midst of this space, a granite fountain stood, gently spraying water and, even though the evening was dark and getting darker by the minute, I could see myself reflected clearly in its mirror-like surface.

“What is this place, Wisdom?” I asked, dipping my fingers into the water of the fountain and causing innumerable ripples across my reflection.

“This is the Fountain of the Wise, wanderer. Drink from it and your eyes will be opened,” murmured the mist.

I cupped my hands, drinking deeply, and a bright light exploded from the center of the fountain turning the night to day in an instant. The buildings that had been so dark and close were now white and sparkling in the blinding sunlight. I exclaimed, taking a step back from the fountain’s edge, and noticed the mist had disappeared.

But then, Wisdom spoke from the center of my chest as a voice within my heart. “You have passed from the Village of the Lost to the Village of the Found,” they said. “Do not be afraid. The illuminatory gift of the Fountain can seem quite bright after one wanders through the darkness of fear.”

“I fear neither shadow nor sunlight,” I said. “Though sometimes my observations of both get me into trouble. Why are you within me instead of without?”

“You have consumed the water of the Fountain of the Wise which invited us into your experience,” said Wisdom. “Though this method of communication may seem strange to you at first, we can guide you more easily this way through the Inner and Outer Realms. If you have a question, you need only ask and we will answer.”

“Go to the building across the square,” they continued. “Within its walls, there is someone who will help you. For though you did not speak it in words, we can tell you carry the shadow of grief within your heart. Perhaps this experience will help you dispel it.”

“I do hold grief for my loved ones in my heart and mind,” I said, turning my footsteps in the direction Wisdom had indicated. “I think this is a result of the love I feel for them even after death.”

“There is the grief of healing and remembrance as well as the grief of suffering and forgetfulness,” said Wisdom. “How one processes the emotion determines the effect that it has upon your spirit. Which path do you walk, Heidi? A healing or suffering path?”

“I’ve walked both in my time,” I said as I approached a glittering white building with double columns upon its porch.

“Then we shall attempt to direct your steps towards the healing side of the equation,” Wisdom said. “Go on, Heidi. He’s expecting you.” Taking a deep breath, I proceeded up the steps, went to the tall entryway door, and knocked three times.

“You may enter,” said a voice within the house and the front door swung open of its own accord. I passed over the threshold into an enormous foyer with precious works of art adorning the walls and marble statues standing upon pillars made of white stone. The room itself was decorated entirely white, the floor, walls, and ceiling all.

“This place must be impossible to clean,” I murmured to Wisdom as I passed through the gleaming room towards a door on the far side.

Within this inner room, a plush leather armchair faced away from the door towards a cheery fire and the walls were lined with books. “May I come in?” I asked the room-at-large.

“Yes, yes, come in,” came the reply in the same voice that had invited me into the building. A spirit in the form of an elderly man with small square spectacles and a long pipe stood from the chair before the fire.

“Hello, my name is Heidi and I come from another world seeking the true nature of this place and the spirits within it,” I said. “You have quite the collection of art in your foyer.”

The being waved his hand as if to indicate this was no big matter to him. “I was one of the Lost who was Found,” he said. “The art appears in this world as we do. You may call me, The Book Keeper, if you wish. I thought you might spend longer in my entryway but it seems literature calls you more strongly than statuary and paintings.”

“I love reading books and storing the wisdom from them inside my heart and mind,” I said. “But I tend to forget the important points if I don’t write my thoughts down immediately after I finish them. Did I interrupt your studies? I’m sorry if so, sometimes my timing can be a little off.”

“Time means less to me now than it once did,” the Book Keeper replied. “In fact, I was reading as you arrived at my door. It’s a book called ‘Heidi’. Do you know it?”

“I know it very well and have read it multiple times,” I said. “That’s the one about the girl and her grandfather who lived on a mountain. She leaves the mountain to have an adventure of her own but eventually returns home again to the people she loves.”

The ancient spirit smiled. “That’s not how my version of the story goes,” he said. “In mine, the girl named Heidi and her grandfather lived on the same street in a small town. She loved him very much but he grew old as mortals do then he died and she deeply mourned him.”

Tears began to well up in my eyes. “I know that story too because it is part of my life story,” I said. “How did you come across it in this world so far from my own?”

“I was reading up on you, Heidi,” said the Book Keeper. “Someone told me you would pass my way.”

I was suddenly overwhelmed with grief for my grandfather who had passed on in real life not so very long before this vision journey and I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. “I’m sorry, I miss him still,” I said. “I understand aging and death are a part of life but I wish this wasn’t so.”

“Sit, sit here,” the Book Keeper said and offered me his own chair by the fire. The spirit patted me comfortingly on the arm. “Now, there is no need to be so distraught. He lived a long life and one of meaning as well. Is there nothing I can do to help you feel better?”

As I shook my head and stared at the fire trying to compose myself, the being said, “I know something that might make you smile. Would you like to know more of your grandfather’s story?”

“That’s not possible because his story ended when he died,” I said, wiping tears from my face.

“The tale you know did but have you read this one?” the Book Keeper asked. He placed a tall book with a golden cover into my hands and the title read: ‘The Continuing Adventures of a Boy and His Dog’. “Read it,” the spirit said. “I will sit here and wait while you do.”

I opened the book and read:

Once upon a time, there was a boy who dreamed that he lived, grew old and was trapped within a dying body with every day being a torment to him because of his various physical ailments. Then one fateful day, he dreamed that he died.

The boy opened his eyes in an extraordinary new place and his body was young again and strong. Everyone he knew who had passed on before him was there to greet him in his new life. Among the gathered crowd was a dog he had loved when he was a boy on Earth and this animal would not be parted from his side for even a moment.

The boy also had a friend named Max who, in the dream of his previous life, had killed himself but that dream too was over, and Max was young and strong again as well. Max and the boy with his dog went on long walks together in the wilderness as they had in the time before. In memory of their shared dreams, they took their guns and went hunting in the fields and forests of Heaven.

On one of these hunts, the friends and the dog found a doe grazing in the woods and the boy went to shoot her but she was simply too beautiful to kill. So, Max and the boy laid down their guns at last and sat to watch the deer instead of killing and eating her, which wasn’t a hardship to them because, unlike in the dream of their previous lives, they were never hungry, cold, or weary.

Day changed to night, the doe wandered away, and the old friends built a small fire on the edge of the woods simply for the pleasure of watching it burn. While it burned, the boy scratched the ears of his dog and told Max about his remembered life of the time before.

He spoke of his wife, Mary, whom he still loved dearly as well as his sons, their children, and those children’s children. He told Max one of his grandchildren was pregnant even now and he was excited to see the next member of his family. Then, he spoke of a granddaughter named Heidi and her sister Carolyn and how he had loved to listen to both of them play music.

Max told the boy with the dog he had dreamed a lovely dream and was lucky to have had so much love in his life. Then he wondered aloud what the boy would say if he knew that his Heidi was still mourning the loss of him.

“Mourn for me?” the boy said. “What is there to mourn? I am more alive than ever and healthy and strong. It is I who should mourn for her. She lives where there is still hunger and thirst, pain and suffering, death and destruction, whereas this place is wonderful, eternal, and blessed beyond imagining. Yes, Max, it is I who should mourn for Heidi and my family, all of them.”

I closed the golden book and looked up at the Book Keeper, tears again falling from my eyes. “Where did you find this story?” I said. “Please tell me. My grandpa was old and ill when he died, this is true and I can’t deny it, but my grief will not release my heart.”

“It is one of a kind and I wrote it,” the spirit replied. Then, a shadow fell from my eyes and the being in front of me was not a stranger from a different world but my own dear grandfather as he had been when I knew him in real life. We were no longer in a library in the City of the Found but in his house from the waking world. “My granddaughter, my Heidi, what are you doing in this place?” he asked. “Death is for the dead and life is for the living. I lived my life in the best way that I knew. Aren’t you doing the same?”

“Grandpa, I have had a vision that I don’t understand and I want to know what it means. I have come to this place and others like it seeking answers from the powers that be,” I said as I scrubbed a few more tears from my eyes. “I never dreamed I would find you here. I miss you so much that Wisdom said I need to find a way to release the shadow grief has cast upon my heart. Can you help me find a way to let you go?”

“Even beyond death, love finds a way as it is the ruler of all. To prove this to you, there is something here I would like for you to see,” he said. “I think it will help you very much and be of great comfort to you during any trials that you may experience in your life including grief and loss. All those that live will one day die. This is a universal truth but not the whole story as you have seen already.”

My grandfather led me from his house to an army truck, helped me in, and we drove through the streets of the shining City of the Found. He waved to one person after another as they peered through the windows of their homes at our progress through their town. Then, after not too much time had passed, we were out of the city and Grandpa halted his truck in an emerald green field with gently sloping hills that proceeded into the distance as far as I could see.

The meadow was full of cats. There were large cats and small ones, kittens of every color imaginable, animals everywhere that I looked. I exited the truck and wandered among them as they chased their tails, groomed their dainty paws and played in that enchanted place. After some time and many smiles as well as laughter, I returned to the truck and climbed onto its hood where Grandpa joined me.

“All of the pets that anyone has ever had find their way to this place,” he said. “There is a valley over that way for the dogs.” He waved his hand in a vague gesture and I saw the dog described in Grandpa’s golden book trotting towards us through the field of cats. None hindered her progress as she moved like an invisible spirit through their midst.

“Don’t you see, Heidi? Nothing is ever truly lost. No one ever really dies, at least not in spirit,” he said. “Everything and everyone in existence just enters here, an eternal place with no suffering or pain.” He took my hand and held it. “I am not dead. I am here. If you ever forget this truth, ask Wisdom to remind you and they will chase any further shadows away. It does not do to lose your life to grief and I certainly would not want you to do so for me. Live and laugh and love instead and make that my memorial. Promise me you will try.”

The dog jumped up on the truck and pushed her way into sitting between us. “I will try, Grandpa,” I swore as I rubbed the bloodhound’s long red ears between my fingertips. “Love can conquer all things, even grief. I will try to remember. One more thing, this wasn’t your dog on Earth, was she? I don’t remember you having any pets at all.”

“There is more than one spirit on this side of the veil who calls you ‘granddaughter’,” Grandpa said. “This vision is for him too.”

I covered my mouth with my hand in surprise as the bloodhound looked at me with intelligence in her eyes as if she knew exactly what we were saying. Then I heard a quiet voice from the dog speak in my mind, “He’s sorry he couldn’t be here himself but he sent me with a message. ‘Tell our family I love them still for I do, Heidi. Also, for your grandma, honey in Heaven tastes just as sweet as that on Earth.'”

“I will deliver your message,” I said, wrapping my arms around the bloodhound’s neck and hugging her. “Of course I will. Tell my mother’s father we love and miss him too.”

There my vision ended.

• Afterword
• Chapter 100: The Promised Redemption of a Son of Abaddon
• Chapter 99: Gathering Strength at a Mountain Retreat
• Chapter 98: Retrieving the Tiger God and a Messenger’s Lost Faith
• Chapter 97: Releasing the Secret Furnace of the Gargantua

General Grief Resources from Google.com (accessed March 30, 2025)

• SAMHSA: Explore resources on coping with bereavement and grief on the SAMHSA website. 
• GriefShare: Find a GriefShare support group near you at griefshare.org. 
• HelpGuide: Learn about coping with grief and loss at HelpGuide.